rand-o-mite!

Randomly speaking:

• I know a woman named Andrea. People have mis-heard it so often as "Angela," her nickname over time has become "Ang."
  
  I call her "And."
  
  
• Comedians of Comedy is so funny I had to rewatch parts of it.
  
  Yay Patton Oswald!
  
  As an aside, I only watched Ratatouille because he was the voice of Remy. It was a cute flick, but Mr. Oswald was what sold me.
  
  
• Hye Bar short pours.
  
  If I am still completely lucid & coherent after 4 drinks and 2 shots, and not over-enunciating or using reallllly big words because I can, something odd is afoot.
  
  
• Being a little tipsy loosens up my inhibitions enough that cleaning and organizing all of the actually sounds like a good idea, and not horrific torture.
  

awwww...

waveland wild kingdom

As I parked my car on Waveland today, between Greenview and Jenssen, in my periphery vision, I noted something dark-colored rapidly hurtling out of the sky and then hitting the sidewalk in an explosive white poof.

Wtf?

For the life of me, I thought that maybe someone had violently thrown a brown feather pillow or a box of styrofoam peanuts out an upper-story window.

But looking out the passenger window, I realized that the dark object was a small brown bird of prey - later identified as a peregrine falcon - sitting atop a large, puffy white feathery thing, presumably a pigeon, surrounded by at least a couple dozen white feathers of all sizes.

As the feathers skittered and danced upon the ground, and the peregrine moved back and forth on its feet, kneading the pigeon upon which it sat with its talons - much like a cat on your tummy, it occurred to me that this might be the time for a fabulous photo op.

Unfortunately, my windows were so dirty that I couldn't really clearly make out the pile of bird through the lens, at least well enough to identify it as anything beyond a blur through a dirty, sun-stricken window.

And then as quickly as it had fallen to earth, the peregrine exploded upwards into the sky, trailing white feathers like a vapor trail.

Looking a little confused, the pigeon then suddenly popped up, and fluttered a bit unsteadily on the ground, before launching itself into the air, also trailing white feathers like a vapor trail.

Then the two of them did a swooping little air ballet, before rocketing off in different directions.

And if Fe and Ro hadn't called off, I wouldn't have gone to work an hour earlier than normal, and I certainly wouldn't have seen that.

the plague settles in.

We here at Camp Pixiemartin would like to assure you that despite the fact that I have the plague, courtesy of my momma, I am otherwise rockin' the free world. (Is it too late to put that lump of coal in your stocking, dude? Maybe I can get you a strip mining tour for your birthday! Or even a tour of the nearest and most conveniently located strip mine!)

("Oh no, but I sold my foot to get you the lump of coal for your stocking!" and "Oh no, but I sold my furnace to get you a stocking, so you could have one too!" Woe is us. Woe are us?)

I am hopped up and dopey on some arcane combination of dextromethorphan, guaifenesin, loratadine, opemrazole, ethinyl estradiol, norgestrel, bupropion, citalopram, and pseudoephedrine.

Yes, that pseudoephedrine.

The ever-lovin' precursor to methamphetamines. (You know, when I was a kid and relied on OTC allergy relief, I probably took enough pseudoephedrine pills to keep a mid-sized meth lab in operation for at least a week. Provided that someone else supplied the other ingredients needed. I don't even know where to begin to look for the fertilizer.)

I had to give the pharmacist my driver's license and sign some paperwork to even get my hands on the stuff.

To be honest, I was pretty much off my rocker pre-pseudoephedrine, so here's to looking forward to the show in the next few hours, to which I happen to have the best seat in the house.

I also have tangerines, water, juice, juicy gels (pre-fab gelatin in cups), tissue, an array of remote controls, a pile of pillows, and a stack of movies, none of which I can recall the titles to at this point in time. Gravedancers, maybe? I think Ratatouille for sure.

Yay cooking rats!

Yay Patton Oswald!

Yay not having to work today or tomorrow!

Oh oh oh... I'm forgetting.

If the doctor I saw today is cool enough, I should be able to get my prescription for Augmentin filled for like $10. Instead of $150 or so. Of course, I have to wait to get it, but still. (And if he isn't cool, I have a sharp shovel and a drop cloth in my trunk.)

And dude, Juno got 3 Golden Globe awards! I don't even know the chick, but I sorta feel like I do because of her web omnipresence and the fact that I've read her book. Boo-yah! Go Diablo Cody, go!

Thank you for reading our rambling missive, and rest assured that Pixie will soon be down for the day, and totally staying away from sharp objects. With gelatin. And remotes. And possibly even guest appearances by none other than Cricket Martin and her kitty, Posey Martin!

Bye now.

Holiday Wishlist Revisited.

1. Amazon or Borders gift certificates/cards.
   
   
2. cash.
   
   
3. I need new shearling slippers, Mom.
   

   And the lady delivers.
   

4. mini-muffin silicone baking pan.
   

   The wrong size, mind you, but still.
   

5. a massage &/or facial.
   
   
6. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.
   

   Now I've seen it twice!
   

7. The Goonies.
   
   
8. Target gift cards.
   
   
9. A new black, size small Liz Claiborne Women's Leather Scuba Jacket.
   
   Not one that looks like it.
   
   Just this exact jacket.
   
   Yes, the very same one I already wear and have beaten to near-death.
   
   I don't care where you get it, or for how much or little money it costs.
   
   And I don't mean that in a demandingly snotty princess way, just in a "$5 on eBay? Great! Your BFF has a brand new one in the hall closet and wants to give it to you for free? Great! $500 from France? Great!" kind of way.
   
   Carson Pirie Scott and Bonton have it for sure, but they probably also have it at Younkers or any CPS sister store. And don't forget to ask your BFF.
   

   My mom rocks like 50-times harder than your mom. Serious-like, yo.
   
   Love you momma!
   

10. Robert Sabuda's The Chronicles of Narnia Pop-Up, based on the works of C.S. Lewis.
    
    
11. Robert Sabuda's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: A Commemorative Pop-Up, story by Frank L. Baum.
    
    
12. A Littermaid. Or a CatGenie.
    
    I mean, really, should I ever actually need to touch stinky-ass cat litter?
    
    Especially when I've been working all day, only to come home to find a nasty pile of presents in the litter box?
    
    It isn't like the act of poop scooping makes me humble or more aware of the world around me.
    
    If anything, it makes me have unkind thoughts and words for and about certain small, relatively innocent fuzzy denizens of this here residence.

I also received:

• The Pocket Paper Engineer, Volume I: Basic Forms: How to Make Pop-Ups Step-by-Step (Spiral-bound), from tif 'n wil.

  now I need to get the second book in the series.
  

• victoria's secret jammies from one of my stylists,
  

  cute, but too big and exchanged for something my size. damn v.s. is expensive!
  

• a bling-encrusted velvet BCBG track suit from another one of my stylists,
  

  comfy and pimp-tastic!
  

• a grow-your-own santa, magic towel, gelato lipgloss, and fruit roll-ups, from Secret Santa K,
  

  they said the santa would grow up to 600 x his original size, which I think they exaggerated slightly.

• glow-in-the-dark skull key-toppers, called "skeleton keys" from Secret Santa K,
  

  dude, you only wished you were cool enough to have one of these.
  
  they were even so cool that I had to spread out the coolness so it wasn't at toxic levels. so I gave 1 to Tif, 1 to Fe, 1 to Jo, 1 to K, and kept 2 for me.
  

• a blingy skull teapot and mug from Secret Santa K,
  
  
• hershey's kisses from one of my stylists,
  
  
• body butter, bubble bath, and bath tools (loofah, slippers, etc.) from even yet still another one of my stylists,
  
  
• a very goth-y chrome skull candle holder,
  

  when I finally get down to decorating the ol' dungeon, I will apparently have one less candle holder to buy. wooooo. spooky.
  

• a white iowa sweatshirt and a pink hawkeyes t-shirt duo,
  

  which magically turned into 2 new brassieres upon entering the intimates department at Younkers!

• 2 pairs hello kitty fuzzy jammie pants, one each pink and green,
  

  yay fuzzy warm and cute!
  
  just like l'il ol' me!

• a $50 gc to walmart,
  

  which promptly turned into a tank of gas (at $2.81/gal, I might add), 16-pounds of cat food, contact solution, and 10 pairs of socks,

• a new alox swiss army knife from matty,
  

  sadly, it has no tweezers or a toothpick. I picked it out though, so it's my own loss.
  

• a box of holiday junior mints from one of my stylists, Fe,
  
  
• a box of delicious chocolates from the Colorado cousins,
  
  
• a pewter fairy card-holder for my station, from a lovely one of my stylists,
  
  
• and the plague from my mom.
  

  thanks mom, being sick rules. or maybe i am hallucinating that part.

If I missed anything, suck on it.

I reeeeeeally do.

I really want to like London Ink.

I've watched it for several hours now, in fact. (Thank you DVR!)

And it's sooooooo bloody boring.

I really think I can't stand any more.

Which shocks me a little.

Sorry, luvs.

and they make a fashion statement, too...

watching eMpTVy right now...

I'm stuck by three things in particular:

1. I am watching music videos - like a constant stream of them.
   
   
2. They no longer discretely put the video information in the bottom left corner - it is now proudly emblazoned across the entire screen at the beginnings and endings in huge text.
   
   
3. Good Charlotte are wearing suits - and the lead singer isn't wearing make-up.
   
   No smudgy eyeliner, no half-chewed-off nail polish. Nothing.
   
   They could be BSB in those outfits.
   
   Of course, the hair is sort of a giveaway, and I totally can't see Kevin or Howie with two full sleeves of ink. Maybe Nick, but definitely no one else.
   

Oh, Jason Lee. Where did it all go wrong?

The Incredibles?

Completely acceptable, if only slightly unexpected, when you really think about it.

I mean, it's super heroes, for criminy's sake.

Monster House?

Ugh.

But okay-ish.

Underdog?

Egads.

Why why why?

And don't you care cite nostalgia as a reason.

Certainly, I remember a fondness for Holly Hobby during my childhood, but that doesn't mean I'd want to play her in a live-action movie.

Dreamcatcher?

Disgusting.

Ab-so-freaking-lute-ly grotesque.

Unless that is the reason you did it, and then I can sort of live with that.

Alvin & the Chipmunks?

Dave? Dave? Dave? You should be ashamed of your self.

For Christ's sake, that's even worse than Breckin Meyer playing Jon.

Holiday Wishlist

1. Amazon or Borders gift certificates/cards.
   
   
2. cash.
   
   
3. I need new shearling slippers, Mom.
   
   
4. mini-muffin silicone baking pan.
   
   
5. a massage &/or facial.
   
   
6. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.
   
   
7. The Goonies.
   
   
8. Target gift cards.
   
   
9. A new black, size small Liz Claiborne Women's Leather Scuba Jacket.
   
   Not one that looks like it.
   
   Just this exact jacket.
   
   Yes, the very same one I already wear and have beaten to near-death.
   
   I don't care where you get it, or for how much or little money it costs.
   
   And I don't mean that in a demandingly snotty princess way, just in a "$5 on eBay? Great! Your BFF has a brand new one in the hall closet and wants to give it to you for free? Great! $500 from France? Great!" kind of way.
   
   Carson Pirie Scott and Bonton have it for sure, but they probably also have it at Younkers or any CPS sister store. And don't forget to ask your BFF.
   
   
10. Robert Sabuda's The Chronicles of Narnia Pop-Up, based on the works of C.S. Lewis.
    
    
11. Robert Sabuda's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: A Commemorative Pop-Up, story by Frank L. Baum.
    
    
12. A Littermaid. Or a CatGenie.
    
    I mean, really, should I ever actually need to touch stinky-ass cat litter?
    
    Especially when I've been working all day, only to come home to find a nasty pile of presents in the litter box?
    
    It isn't like the act of poop scooping makes me humble or more aware of the world around me.
    
    If anything, it makes me have unkind thoughts and words for and about certain small, relatively innocent fuzzy denizens of this here residence.
    
    
    

modern medicine.

kaboom y yo.

"Is that..."

"Is that a banjo?"

*nod*

"What is this shit?"

"Bon Jovi's new album. It all sounds like country, but he assures us that it isn't."

"Yeah, maybe like Ban Jovi."

"I love that."

"What?"

"That you just said that."

"Damn... then you should be glad you don't spend more time around me."

"I suppose."

lollapalooza 07.

I've been kinda down on spending time in front of the computer for the last couple of months, so I apologize for being remiss in updating.

August 3-5, I volunteered at Lollapalooza 07, running the Mulletorium at the Mindfield stage.

I perpetrated many crimes against hair, at the clients's requests mind you, and had a great deal of fun. I will be doing it again next year.

I was occupied volunteering everyday until like 5:30 pm, so I really got to only see the big shows, but it was a good time. I saw Spoon, Interpol, Snow Patrol, Daft Punk, LCD Soundsystem, Mink, My Morning Jacket, Satellite Party (TWICE!), Pearl Jam, and Patti Smith.

On the last day, I got a VIP wristband to the Lolla-Lounge, so I got a mini-massage, drank a bunch of free booze, ate some food, and loaded up my knapsack with snacks galore (they have great treats for the VIPs, so I helped myself...), and enjoyed Pearl Jam and My Morning Jacket, far away from the gigantic-ass crowds. Oh, and there were fireworks.

Unfortunately, I didn't have my new camera until that Sunday, so the only photos of previous days are crappy-ass cellphone pix that I may or may not future upload.

my favorite things

I do have to admit that the highpoint of the Southport Street Festival going on immediately outside the front door of my workplace this last weekend (you know, all 2.5 blocks of festive fun), was watching the little kids all dance around happily while the Sublime coverband performed the song Date Rape.

Or maybe it was the $9.00 funnel cake that tasted like stale everything that has ever been fried in that vat of oil, once it cooled down enough to eat.

and you thought we were friends.

In case you were anxiously awaiting the answers to the "how well do you know me" list, here they are:

1. What are the two movies I have seen more than any other movies? Bonus: Why?

Desperately Seeking Susan is one of them. Not only did I see it in the theatre multiple times, but when I worked at a video store during beauty school, I used to run the movie all day on the weekends when I was working. I've seen that bitch like at least 150 times.

The other one is Grease. Yes, I said Grease.

Almost every day after school during seventh grade, I would go over to Leona Hughes's house and watch it with her while we ate dinners of ramen with parmesan cheese sprinkled on top.

Perhaps not coincidentally, I stopped growing in 7th grade. Whether that can be attributed to the ramen or the movie, I can't rightly say.

2. What is the movie that I made everyone watch with me after I taped it off of AMC (back when they ran movies without commercial interruptions)?

Breakfast at Tiffany's. Which also happens to be one of my favorite movies, ever,

Amusingly, Goonies is playing at the art theatre near where I work this week. I might have to go see it again...

3. Why do I have so many houseplants?

Because I feel compelled to rescue them from places that should not sell houseplants, like Target and Jewel.

Oh, and it doesn't hurt that I have a pretty green thumb.

4. What was my favorite movie at the beginning of my frosh year of college, and why?

New Jack City.

Because I had a crush on Ice-T.

And because it was fucking awesome at the time.

5. Why don't I like Year Zero?

I am perfectly capable of dealing with moody, boozy, pasty, unhappy, skinny, junkie Trent making a concept album.

The Fragile? It's like setting sail in a well-used coracle, swirling around inside the tumult of his black and broken heart, and then washing up half-drowned on a foreign shore.

But shiny happy, physically fit, tan, mountain-biking Trent with guns like tree trunks?

Not only is he filled with clarity of thought and purpose, but he's also enjoying who he is, for Christ's sake.

Which goes violently against the tenets of everything I have ever held sacred and true.

Year Zero has a theme and a plot and an involved storyline about futurist societies, Big Brother, cultural stagnation, and the revolution against the aforementioned ills.

It's like he's strayed from the canon of nin.

Plus, it just plain doesn't sound as good as his old stuff.

6. How many paper shredders have I owned in the last 2 years?

Three.

The first 2 were inexpensive models that fit over the edge of a garbage can. After prolonged hoarding of shreddables, when I finally got around to taking care of it all, I fried the motors. Both times.

Now I have a more expensive model that cross-cuts paper and shreds discs and credit cards.

It laughs at a huge stack of sensitive documentation and personal information, facilitates the manufacturing of a metric ass-load of confetti, and then throws a ticker-tape parade just for the hell of it.

7. Which of Anne Rice's vampire novels have I _not_ read?

Blood Canticle.

Because even after sitting untouched on the "to read" shelf for a few years, it still manages to SUCK like unto the mightiest of vacuous, whirling space vortices.

how well do you know me?

1. What are the two movies I have seen more than any other movies? Bonus: Why?

2. What is the movie that I made everyone watch with me after I taped it off of AMC (back when they ran movies without commercial interruptions)?

3. Why do I have so many houseplants?

4. What was my favorite movie at the beginning of my frosh year of college, and why?

5. Why don't I like Year Zero?

6. How many paper shredders have I owned in the last 2 years?

7. Which of Anne Rice's vampire novels have I _not_ read?

wet paint - do not touch

In honor of my 35th year of life.

cleaning house

Is anyone interested in the following books? They're wasting space at my house, and they're valueless on Amazon.

1. Lavender: Practical Inspirations for Natural Gifts, Country Crafts & Decorative Displays - Tessa Evelgh, 1996, Lorenz Books, Hardcover.
2. The New Candle Book: Inspirational Ideas for Displaying, Using & Making Candles - Gloria Nicol, 1996, Lorenz Books, Hardcover.
3. The Complete Soapmaker: Tips, Techniques & Recipes fpr Luxurious Handmade Soaps - Norma Coney, 1996, Sterling/Lark, Hardcover.
4. Herbal Remedies: An Introduction to Herbs & Their Theraputic Uses (Naturally Better Series) - Tamara Kircher & Penny Lowery, 1996, Macmillan, Hardcover.
5. aveda pure essences: using flowers and plants to achieve a sense of well-being, circa 1993 0r 1994, soft-cover guide for retailers, very informative about essential oils in general.

Seriously, if anyone wants them, lemme know, otherwise I'm leaving them on the table in the hallway, and who knows what sort of strange neighbors I might have reading them.

(Someone left a huge stack of supernatural romance novels on that table, for criminy's sake - which I have, of course, been working my way through ever since.)

online research is so interesting

Why do 16 of the 17 group of synonym listings for shellac on thesaurus.com seem to involve beating the crap out of someone?

The first thing I think of when I hear “shellac” is the resinous substance created from the dissolution of lac into a solvent of some sort, which is then used to seal wooden furniture and the like. Not thrashing someone.

work conversations.

"So... do you go by Nathanial,

*shrug*

"or Nathan,

*shrug*

"or Nate,

*shrug*

"or Nat?"

"You can call me whatever."

*nod*


"..."

"..."

"Can I call you Boing-Boing McCoy?"

"No, please don't call me Boing-Boing McCoy."

"Are you sure?"

"Please don't call me Boing-Boing McCoy."

"Because, you know, you kinda look like a Boing-Boing McCoy."

*vehement headshake*

"But, whatever..."

*nod*

"I guess Nathanial is fine, too."

"Okay."