Friday, December 24, 2010

there are few words to convey the sorrow in my heart.

In 2007, Dad decided that at Christmastime, he was going to open up $2k TD Ameritrade accounts for the three of us girls, that we'd have access to and input upon stock choices to learn about and appreciate the importance of long term investment.

At some point, early on, I asked him to buy 5 shares of Apple, which he did. I was interested in seeing how the next generation of Zune and iPhones being launched were going to affect the market share prices, etc.

He bought five shares around 85, as well as some other stocks, and for a few years I followed the stocks, and was very pleased as the Apple stocks doubled, then tripled in value.

At least a year ago, for some reason, the password changed on the account, and it wasn't a big deal, but I kept tracking the Apple stock, which today closed around 4 times what was paid for it.

Which would make me happy, except for the fact that about an hour ago, Dad told me that he dumped all the stocks a while ago when the market was all "bearish."

When I asked him why on God's earth he would dump the Apple, which should conceivably always appreciate in the long run - for Christ's sake, Allie has a Mac - he said he just doesn't understand the market anymore.

I'd like to know when exactly he _did_ understand the market, and am asking him to remove me from the account.

I am really fucking disappointed, to say the least. When the chips have been down, I've always at least had the warm thought of having made a very financially sound investment in the stock market.

I had been wondering lately how the whole Apple TV and Beatles iTunes discography developments, not to mention the Verizon iPad and upcoming iPhone ventures, were going to be reflected in the stock in the new year, which I guess is now just an exercise in torturous mental masturbation.

The joke was always that someday I'd probably be able to retire on Apple.

Now it's just salt in the wound.

Crushing, crushing, depressing disappointment.

Merry fucking Christmas Eve.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

alls i wants for xmas is...

$$$$$
Bare Escentuals Foundation in FAIR
Escada Marine Groove EDP
Vera Wang Princess
Amazon gift cards
Target gift cards
Michaels gift cards
TJX gift cards
Knitting loom (see Amazon Wishlist)
Delicious maple syrup

Saturday, December 04, 2010

academic realizations and life frustrations.

I came to the realization today that most likely the only reason I made it through college is because everything I excelled at was creatively driven, or allowed me the opportunity to learn to make things.

Creative writing and poetry writing were both things I enjoyed, and all of the classes I took in art and botany required hands-on physical creation and interaction.

Also, the art history and botany classes required massive amounts of visual identification and memorization, which I am able to do very well in short term bursts. Long term? I still know a few things, but I've definitely forgotten more than I know.

I would love nothing more than to have studio space to craft and create jewelry, and make a living from that. It would be massively incredible to use what I learned in college and what I've learned about art-making and crafting since graduation to support myself.

But realistically, I have neither the space nor funding to acquire a space in which to do these things, nor do I have the start-up capital to invest in raw materials, and then the funds to get by while I am establishing myself in the industry.

I do have a mountain of existing debt, and a job that I love which doesn't cover all of the bills, but I have yet to really find something to do that fills in that economic breach. No one wants to hire me for anything, except for a season position that ended with Halloween.

Good thing: I'm invited to return to the costume sales industry come next Falll. Bad thing: Note the when part.

One of the things I liked about the costume store was getting to see people in the costumes, not only because it was fun, but because I could learn about fit and sizing and materials, in order to better help other customers with the costumes. Inside knowledge is awesome.

Every time I go to a store like Joann Fabric or Michaels, I am angry that disinterested, unknowledgeable people are working somewhere where I am well-suited for employment. I am the perfect fit for that environment - I love customer service, stocking, merchandising, I know all about arts and crafts, and would welcome the opportunity to learn more about things of which I am ignorant - but I have a sneaking suspicion that WOTC-eligibility is a bigger incentive to hiring parties than knowledge.

(Big box stores and grocery stores aren't even interested in me, and I have management experience, for criminy's sake.)

So I am currently living off the "largesse" of the JP Morgan Chase Card Services Division.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Reality, part one.

    Wah, wah, wah…oh woe is me.


    I don’t know if anyone remembers Save Karyn.

    Some of you may have already seen my rant on this topic when it was fresh news, but its been a while.

    She was a high-earner living in the Big Apple, with a lavish lifestyle.
    There was an economic downturn, and she got the pink slip. In denial, she continued to live the lavish lifestyle until she was $20,000 in debt.
    She created an online journal where she chronicled the daily struggle of learning to live like regular folk do…
    • Not cabbing everywhere, but rather riding public transportation.
    • Instead of buying a really really expensive short sweater, cropping down down a really really expensive longer sweater until it was the appropriate short length.
    • Bringing a salad from home for lunch wherein lurked wilted lettuce, which she ate.
    • The clever idea of drinking and socializing with her friends at home, instead of going out to bars and restaurants.
    • Hosting the gatherings and having other people bring comestibles and drinkables, so she doesn’t have to spend money to entertain.
    • Taking extra bottles of wine left from her gatherings to gatherings hosted by others, thus saving the expense of a bottle of wine, and still being a good guest.
    You get the idea.
      Sympathetic people sent her gift certificates for food and gave her monetary donations to help her out.


      From her end, she sold a bunch of her designer wordly goods on eBay to pay the debt off.

      Then she went on talk shows to talk about her website, wrote a book about the whole experience, went on more talk shows to discuss the book, and had the book option for a movie by Sony Pictures.

      I don’t know if the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic has any connection to Karyn, but she seems to at least have been an inspiring jumping-off point for the writers.

      This whole thing was brought to mind today, because while I was rooting around in my closet looking for summer-weight pants that aren’t black, denim, or way too small, I rediscovered an old denim skirt I haven’t worn for years.

      Lately, I have been bemoaning the fact that the word skirt is apparently the street-name for low-slung frilly belts.

      This skirt did actually have a denim ruffle around the bottom, which was easily removed, so I now have another piece of summer clothing. However, unlike Karyn, I merely transformed a $12.99 skirt from Target into a $19.99 skirt from Target. But I digress…

      In Iowa City, Kristen lived relatively comfortably - okay pay, no major debts, a nice place to live, a nice car to drive, and a full tummy, a little savings In the bank.

      Then this starry-eyed dreamer saved up $5000, which after expenses - rent/deposit, furniture, utilities - was about $3200, and moved to Chicago, secure in the knowledge that she had a job waiting for her with the same company, a place to live, a nice car to drive, and the beginnings of a wonderful new life.

      The new life included such wonders as: a hit-and-run accident the 5th day she lived in town, which cost a $500 deductible to fix, a 32-hour a week job paying $7/hr, and a much higher cost of living.

      Despite shortly starting a better paying job, she continued to live the lavish lifestyle she had in Iowa, and credit card bills started to accumulate.

      Jobs changed, pay decreased, sanity increased, and bills continued to pile up. Kristen had to get a new car because hers was tainted with mold and cost more to fix that it was worth. Eventually, she owed around $25000 to Toyota financial services and various credit card companies.

      Then the job ended, the income ended, and the bills continued to mount, as well as regular living expenses. Thanks to a generous and kind loan from Mom, she was able to eke out a living doing hair on the side while the job search began…

      It sounds so much better in the third person.

      Reality, part two.

      These days, I find myself in an untenable financial situation.
      I have a job, working at a nice private salon, where the boss is great, and I have almost limitless possibilities for growth… if we had a clientele. People come in here and there, and I do have my own clients, but they are few compared to the availability I have open on my schedule.
      I have worked at all of the commercial salons available in this city - I won’t do Supercuts, Fantastic Sams or Great Clips. I can’t stand behind a chair everyday doing 20 $8 haircuts on the unwashed masses.
      The pay is shitty, the stylists that work there are generally unintelligent, unskilled bitches, and the environment isn’t conducive to positive mental or physical health.
      I know it is a job, and it is in my field, but those chains are concerned with quantity over quality, something that is the diametrical opposite of my work ethic.
      Imagine Rick Bayless working at Taco Bell, or Bobby Flay working at Burger King.
      I have been searching for a second job doing anything, and I have discovered that I am unqualified to do about everything. In those formative years where young people work in bars and restaurants, do internships, and generally develop a varied skillset, I already had a vocation and career doing hair.
      In this job market, in Chicago, hell - in general, experience is required. I am not qualfied to bus tables, much less work in an office or specialty store of some kind.
      I applied at over 30 salons after I left the HC, and only two deigned to interview me. I also applied for at least twice as many non-salon positions, with nary a call-back. I ended up working at Asha, but I was never a good fit with that place.
      The people that work there tend to go out to cocktails after work with their girlfriends, wearing 5-inch stilettos, sexy designer clothing. They spend their income on fripperies and doodads.
      I always felt like an outsider and a second-class citizen, never quite in on anything, and not really worthy or anyone’s time.
      The pay was also shitty - they grossly misrepresented the facts and figures when I was hired and then lied about it to my face when I called them on it, they are most assuredly are violating federal minimum wage standards, they really don’t support new staff at all, and I was miserably unhappy.
      Unfortunately, unless you walk into a lucky situation with pre-existing salon clients, you don’t make a lot of money. And it can take 6 months to 2 years to really have a solid client-base and a fat paycheck.
      The salon where I work is a newer salon, starting out with a teensy established clientele, in a location that has largely been ignored by anyone but the employees of the hospital across the street. Someday we will own the people at that hospital. But for now we settle for the slow build.

      Wednesday, April 14, 2010

      regrets...


      Yes, I've had a few.

      I wasted money going to art school.

      I pretend that I use what I've learned everyday at work. I guess I do, but it isn't art.

      All the other people I know who have gone to art school are now artists. They might have day jobs, but they create art.

      A girl I work with went to the Art Institute, does massage during the day, and makes gorgeous, hand-tooled, lovingly created, visually-stunning handbags and leather goods when she's not on the job.

      Another girl at work went to design school, works behind the desk doing office coordinating things, and creates interesting and wondrous textile and fiber arts. Currently, she's working on crocheting tentacles for a friend's art installation of ethereal jellyfish and other creatures of the deep.

      I craft, but it's half-assed craft. Sarcastic cross stitch, wire-work jewelry, knitting squares and rectangles.

      Sunday, February 14, 2010

      valentine

      Kit called me in a panic earlier because her hair was janky, she had a date, and the place around the corner she would normally go to was closed.

      So, I scooted on over there to save the day.

      When her hair was acceptable, I helped advise on shoes and accessories, and then packed up and got ready to go.

      She wanted to know how much to pay me, and I told her it was done as a friend.

      So she gave me a bag of conversation hearts, wished me a happy Valentine's day, and I went my way.

      She seems to be having a good time on her date, last time I checked.

      Saturday, February 13, 2010

      a few thoughts...

      Holy fuck! The last two episodes of "Dollhouse" alternately blew my mind, and broke my heart. I snuffled through the last 30 minutes of story. That was epic anime-quality story, and I mean that as a serious compliment. Okay, the last 2 minutes were a little weak, but they accomplished what they needed to accomplish. Good job, Joss.

      I got the skinny envelope from Sine Qua Non. Apparently, despite perpetually advertising and hiring for their numerous salons, they found a candidate more in line with what they were looking for, and they wish me the best.

      I might like you better if you play Mobsters or Overdrive on Facebook, btw. JOIN MY MOB/CREW already.

      I am rewriting my resume to better reflect my personality, which is strangely difficult to accomplish. I think my other resume was too stuffy and wordy, so I changed the layout, tweaked the hell out of the info, and made sure to include my ability to MacGuyver almost anything back into working order.

      My kitchen is still disturbingly clean.

      I want to know where the hell the two discs I put into the mail are at, because Netflix doesn't seem to have them, and I don't have new things to watch.

      Wednesday, February 10, 2010

      Dear Salons Allegedly Hiring Stylists in the Chicago Area:

      I am a doer, a crafter, and a maker of things.

      Rather than be judged solely on the merits of my abilities to motivate staff and generate income as a salon, I would prefer to be recognized for my technical merits as a stylist.

      I am a listener and a thinker, and I have a strong rapport with people sitting in my chair... they tell me what they want, and I give it to them, often exceeding their expectations.

      I am an alchemist. I turn lead into gold, ash into cream, mouse into merlot, straw into silk, straight into curl, and vice versa.

      I am a creator and a skilled artisan. My medium is hair. I cut and sculpt and design. I color and retexturize. I curl and straighten and coif using a variety of tools available to me.

      However, I find myself being assigned a skill-set based solely on the places I have worked, as opposed to an expansive and diverse skill-set built on years of experience and education from a variety of sources.

      The artistic creative director of a well-known international haircare line taught me, hands-on, how to cut an entire seasonal collection's worth of styles.

      I have taken cutting and trend classes from at least a score of acclaimed stylists and educators working for well-respected companies in my industry.

      But, I have been boiled down to a chain-salon hack by two little words: Hair and Cuttery.

      And two scathing more: Ulta Salon.

      And probably even these accursed three: Department Store Salon.

      Oh, and we mustn't forget the crippling status of SALON MANAGER.

      I pass out my resume left and right, and the few interviews with which I have been begrudgingly given invitation to attend have made me feel very discouraged.

      The Aveda salon at which I have interviewed would want me to completely quit cutting hair the way I have learned to do over the past decade-plus, forgoing the use of clippers and razors and whatnot for the pure, unsullied use of shears.

      It absolutely used to boggle my mind at the inability of people graduating from Aveda schools to cut mens hair shorter than a couple of inches in length. That's because they only teach them how to cut hair with one tool: the shears basic to our trade. No experimentation with other methods of cutting are required or desired.

      Now I understand.

      And, because I have no experience with Aveda color, despite specializing in color and years and years of working with oodles of different color lines, many of which I have had to use pure extrapolation to convert formulas from one brand to another - with great success mind you, I would not be allowed to do color on clients for a couple of months until I had taken a series of color classes and then gone through a monitored probationary period of color application to mannequins and models until deemed fit to work on paying customers.

      Oh, and that's only if they call me back in the next couple of weeks for a technical interview, and want to then offer me employment.

      I also interviewed with a Bumble and bumble salon. Prior to even interviewing me, they had determined by reading my resume that I would have to go through at least 4 to 6 months of junior stylist training and classes before being allowed to work on the client floor, because of my limited skill-set.

      Also provided that they invite me back in the next several weeks for a technical interview, and still want to hire me.

      I honestly believe that they would rather take fresh grads and bend them to their will through a year or so of intensive training, than give someone like me a chance.

      Speaking of fresh grads, did you know that in the state of Illinois, you graduate with 1500 hours of academic experience, the majority of which is theoretical and untested?

      The beauty school attendees graduate, take a standardized knowledge-based test on a computer, and enter the workforce.

      Stylists fresh out of school can't cut hair. Seriously.

      Most of them also don't understand color theory, or have a very limited knowledge or understanding of how to perform chemical services.

      They either enter an apprenticeship or junior stylist program with a fancy salon, or they go to a chain salon and learn by experimentation on clients, watching other stylists work, and from being taught behind the chair by their managers and coworkers, or taking basic cutting/coloring/styling classes provided by the company.

      Hell, most of them don't seem capable of curling someone's hair with a curling iron, much less pinning it up into a hairstyle.

      The only thing newly graduated stylists seem to uniformly be capable of doing is a decent blow dry.

      Oh, and they all seem to think that they have mastered the art of using a flat iron.

      By the way, many of the educators at schools like Pivot Point have been doing hair less than two years themselves, and some of them have NO actual salon experience. They go through the curriculum, graduate, get licensed, and then turn around and learn how to teach the curriculum to new students.

      In Iowa, you go to school for 2100 hours. The last 4 - 6 months of school is almost exclusively spent on the client floor, getting a shitload of experience working with hair and refining techniques, under the supervision and tutelage of practicing cosmetologists who are also instructors.

      I graduated school, went to state boards for both practical and knowledge-based testing*, and then went to work for a private Aveda salon.

      For the first 3 months, I was an apprentice, only allowed to work on the hair of request clients, or to provide manicures, pedicures or facials to anyone who wanted them. I learned a lot through observation, unlearning a few stupid things I'd been taught at beauty school, and did a lot of scalp massages and washing of client hair as a shampoo girl. Oh, and I ran a lot of errands.

      After 3 months, they decided my talents were better spent behind the chair working on paying customers because I was good at doing hair. That isn't to say I didn't spend some time being an aesthetician and nail tech, because no one else would do it, but I was an actual, licensed, business card-carrying stylist.

      Not once, in the last 15 years, has any salon ever questioned my ability to perform my job without compromising the integrity of my client's hair, regardless of salon business model or designated time allowance.

      I need a job, you need experienced stylists... how about giving me an opportunity to shine for you, instead of treating me like an undesirable idiot?

      ...

      *Now in Iowa, much like here in Illinois, you can't graduate from school until you are capable of passing what would have previously been the practical portion of the state board test. And then you take a standardized knowledge-based test on a computer.

      I went to school with people that graduated school, went through state board prep, were deemed ready for state boards, and still never passed the practical portion of testing, thusly never becoming actual hairstylists.

      I don't trust the quality of stylists graduating from either Illinois or Iowa schools anymore.

      Monday, January 25, 2010

      housekeeping


      I feel completely comfortable in saying that I would willingly lick any surface of my cooktop. That level of clean may not amaze you, but for those who have entered my domicile, it's a downright miracle.

      Now, if I could just figure out why the oven billows black smoke when you turn it on...