academic realizations and life frustrations.

I came to the realization today that most likely the only reason I made it through college is because everything I excelled at was creatively driven, or allowed me the opportunity to learn to make things.

Creative writing and poetry writing were both things I enjoyed, and all of the classes I took in art and botany required hands-on physical creation and interaction.

Also, the art history and botany classes required massive amounts of visual identification and memorization, which I am able to do very well in short term bursts. Long term? I still know a few things, but I've definitely forgotten more than I know.

I would love nothing more than to have studio space to craft and create jewelry, and make a living from that. It would be massively incredible to use what I learned in college and what I've learned about art-making and crafting since graduation to support myself.

But realistically, I have neither the space nor funding to acquire a space in which to do these things, nor do I have the start-up capital to invest in raw materials, and then the funds to get by while I am establishing myself in the industry.

I do have a mountain of existing debt, and a job that I love which doesn't cover all of the bills, but I have yet to really find something to do that fills in that economic breach. No one wants to hire me for anything, except for a season position that ended with Halloween.

Good thing: I'm invited to return to the costume sales industry come next Falll. Bad thing: Note the when part.

One of the things I liked about the costume store was getting to see people in the costumes, not only because it was fun, but because I could learn about fit and sizing and materials, in order to better help other customers with the costumes. Inside knowledge is awesome.

Every time I go to a store like Joann Fabric or Michaels, I am angry that disinterested, unknowledgeable people are working somewhere where I am well-suited for employment. I am the perfect fit for that environment - I love customer service, stocking, merchandising, I know all about arts and crafts, and would welcome the opportunity to learn more about things of which I am ignorant - but I have a sneaking suspicion that WOTC-eligibility is a bigger incentive to hiring parties than knowledge.

(Big box stores and grocery stores aren't even interested in me, and I have management experience, for criminy's sake.)

So I am currently living off the "largesse" of the JP Morgan Chase Card Services Division.