...i'm rambling
So, I had this pre-op (I didn't check down her pants, but I'm guessing from the stubble on her neck here) transexual woman come in for a job interview.
It wasn't her gender that bothered me. It was the fact that her hair was this big crazy Dame Edna 'do, the same color as a school bus, and featuring at least an inch of dark outgrowth.
And that her clearly often-worn false eyelashes were falling off her right eyelid. Probably under the weight of 57 or more applications of mascara. It was like a tarantula seeking the sweet release of freedom, but only making it half way there.
You know how when women wear eyeshadow, they generally blend the colors into one another? And how bad drag performers often fill in some sort of geometric shape they've created from their lashline to just above the crease, usually with one shade of garish something? This prospective job candidate unfortunately subscribed to that latter form of cosmetic aesthetic. Via bright, flaming irregular pentagons of fuschia.
The lips were tightly penciled, and filled in with a surprisingly-normal shade of burgundy. But they still looked draggy.
I can't even describe the eyebrows. I just can't.
The kicker, though, was the fact that she was wearing the most Plain Jane outfit you could ever hope to see. Old school, small town elementary school librarians aspire to be this frumpy.
To her credit, she did call the next day and told me that she had accepted a full-time position elsewhere, and didn't want me to waste any further time considering her application. Which was a relief, in a way, but still sort of felt like a snub.
So I was talking to my newest stylist, Drama, about this woman, explaining that the gender status wasn't the issue. Appearance was. I told Drama that if this woman had looked half as glamorous as Diva does everyday, and believe me, Diva is about as tastefully blingy as a woman can be , that I would have hired her in an instant.
The next day, Diva told me that she was very upset about something that I said the day before, when I was comparing her to a drag queen.
She had half overheard what I had been saying, and decided that I was saying that she looked like she was a drag queen.
More specifically, that she looked like a man. A man in women's clothing.
And even more specifically, a presumably gay man.
I assured her that I had said that she was the sort of over-the-top-yet-still-okay glamorous that many drag queens spend their whole careers trying to achieve. That is she were a drag queen, everyone would just assume that she was an incredibly fabulous-looking woman.
She said that she was glad she'd gotten that cleared up, because what I was talking about was a sin, and that the Bible even talked about how it was a sin.
I asked her where it said in the Bible that "Thou Shalt Not Dress In The Clothing Of The Opposite Gender In An Attempt To Look Glam, Or Else."
And she said that wasn't in the Bible, and wasn't what she was talking about. She was talking about the being gay part.
Because all men that wear women's clothing are obviously gay male sinners who are going to Hell for their wicked ways.
I tried to assure her that not every man in a woman's garb happened to be gay. I told her lots of heterosexual men wore women's clothing regularly.
And she said that they were sinners, too.
And then she assured me that they were all going to Hell. Because it's a sin.
I was going to ask her again which passage in the Bible delivered the message that "Thou Shalt Not Dress In The Clothing Of The Opposite Gender In An Attempt To Look Glam, Or Else."
But then I decided that she'd just think I was making fun of her.
And you definitely do not want to offend the Christian sensibilities of proud Southern Baptist women of color.
(Even if they are hypocrites and sinners of the worst kind.)
It wasn't her gender that bothered me. It was the fact that her hair was this big crazy Dame Edna 'do, the same color as a school bus, and featuring at least an inch of dark outgrowth.
And that her clearly often-worn false eyelashes were falling off her right eyelid. Probably under the weight of 57 or more applications of mascara. It was like a tarantula seeking the sweet release of freedom, but only making it half way there.
You know how when women wear eyeshadow, they generally blend the colors into one another? And how bad drag performers often fill in some sort of geometric shape they've created from their lashline to just above the crease, usually with one shade of garish something? This prospective job candidate unfortunately subscribed to that latter form of cosmetic aesthetic. Via bright, flaming irregular pentagons of fuschia.
The lips were tightly penciled, and filled in with a surprisingly-normal shade of burgundy. But they still looked draggy.
I can't even describe the eyebrows. I just can't.
The kicker, though, was the fact that she was wearing the most Plain Jane outfit you could ever hope to see. Old school, small town elementary school librarians aspire to be this frumpy.
To her credit, she did call the next day and told me that she had accepted a full-time position elsewhere, and didn't want me to waste any further time considering her application. Which was a relief, in a way, but still sort of felt like a snub.
So I was talking to my newest stylist, Drama, about this woman, explaining that the gender status wasn't the issue. Appearance was. I told Drama that if this woman had looked half as glamorous as Diva does everyday, and believe me, Diva is about as tastefully blingy as a woman can be , that I would have hired her in an instant.
The next day, Diva told me that she was very upset about something that I said the day before, when I was comparing her to a drag queen.
She had half overheard what I had been saying, and decided that I was saying that she looked like she was a drag queen.
More specifically, that she looked like a man. A man in women's clothing.
And even more specifically, a presumably gay man.
I assured her that I had said that she was the sort of over-the-top-yet-still-okay glamorous that many drag queens spend their whole careers trying to achieve. That is she were a drag queen, everyone would just assume that she was an incredibly fabulous-looking woman.
She said that she was glad she'd gotten that cleared up, because what I was talking about was a sin, and that the Bible even talked about how it was a sin.
I asked her where it said in the Bible that "Thou Shalt Not Dress In The Clothing Of The Opposite Gender In An Attempt To Look Glam, Or Else."
And she said that wasn't in the Bible, and wasn't what she was talking about. She was talking about the being gay part.
Because all men that wear women's clothing are obviously gay male sinners who are going to Hell for their wicked ways.
I tried to assure her that not every man in a woman's garb happened to be gay. I told her lots of heterosexual men wore women's clothing regularly.
And she said that they were sinners, too.
And then she assured me that they were all going to Hell. Because it's a sin.
I was going to ask her again which passage in the Bible delivered the message that "Thou Shalt Not Dress In The Clothing Of The Opposite Gender In An Attempt To Look Glam, Or Else."
But then I decided that she'd just think I was making fun of her.
And you definitely do not want to offend the Christian sensibilities of proud Southern Baptist women of color.
(Even if they are hypocrites and sinners of the worst kind.)
1 comment:
Since you asked!
The Book of Deuteronomy, Chapter, 22 Verse 5 reads:
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so [are] abomination unto the LORD thy God.
If you would like to point out to Diva that she is a hypocrite, you can quote her verse 11 from the same chapter:
Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, [as] of woollen and linen together.
or verse 12:
Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest [thyself].
Post a Comment