Tuesday, April 25, 2006

dear kenmore, maytag & whirlpool:


Washing machines should have a "mend" cycle.

That way, when you toss an intact dirty shirt into the laundry, should the seams become unravelled on both sides in the same place during the wash cycle, revealing an astoundingly symmetrical lack of structural integrity, and it isn't noticed when you remove the shirt from the dryer, fold it, put it away, and then later wear it, one of your clients won't point out the fact that your shirt is split at the seams on the left side.

Then when you tell this story to one of your cow-orkers, s/he won't also then point out that your shirt seam is split in the exact same place on the right side, but didn't say anything because s/he thought that it was built that way, what with both sides open at the seams in the same place and way and all.

Because, let me tell you, if I was going to design peekaboo side slits into a shirt, I certainly wouldn't choose to expose a random 2 inch section of flank, almost midway between the armpit and navel.

Not that I would really consider designing such an odd feature into any hypothetical item of apparel that I might create, but still.

As an aside, there should obviously be a "leave torn" cycle, so that you don't end up with expensive designer jeans that come replete with cute little patches midthigh or on the knees, or don't have one ass cheek hanging out, as God and the designer intended.

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