music update:

Theory Anesthetic.

Mandy not only heads up the group, but she's also my client, so you know her hair rocks.

Today, she gave me a copy of the new cd, but unfortunately all cd-playing devices in my household recognize it only as a blank disc.

At least you and I can listen to them here.

My fave is Church of Nothing.

thank the lord for small miracles...

It's about damned time, for criminy's sake!

"NOW AVAILABLE! Neuticles UltraPLUS with Epididymis

"Introducing a new level of testicular implantation for previously neutered, monorchid or cryptorchid pets.
"Neuticles UltraPLUS^® with ScarRetard features not only the testes but the Cauda Epididymis, Ductus Deferens, Pampiniform Plexus and Caput Epididymis, which restores the pet to anatomical preciseness (my emphasis). Two suture tabs located at the end of the Pampinform Plexus, and midway on the testes, anchor the implant to assure optimum realism.

"Eight sizes and custom sizing for any pet now available.

"Click Here for details and pricing."

And yes, I was actually aware of what the epididymus was prior to this: when irritated by moronic men, I used to graciously offer to show them their epididymii if they didn't stop bothering me.

Then I was generally forced to explain exactly what the epididymus was and where it was located, often in great, achingly explicit detail.

Which usually left me devoid of unwanted male companionship.

(I personally find it far more effective than threatening to tear off someone's limb and beat that someone to death with it.)

some things I believe...

1. Vera Bradley bags are hideously ugly.
   
   They look like those particular sort of carryalls in which old biddy spinsters cart their knitting around.
   
   
2. Evan Farmer is hot.
   
   
3. So is Colin Ferguson.
   
   
4. Sunbelle raspberries from Chile taste a lot better than Driscoll's from Mexico.
   
   
5. These are the fucking coolest flip-flops ever made. (They have the grommets on the inside like the shoes do, and they even have the ALL*STAR tag on the back heel. Righteous!)
   
   
6. My Black & Decker digital convection toaster oven is the shiz-nit.
   
   I love baking now that doing it it doesn't heat the entire apartment up to like 100-degrees Fahrenheit.
   
   
7. Anjou pears are infinitely superior to bartlett pears when making brie and pear toast. Bosc will also do in a pinch.
   
   
8. My job?
   
   Same ol' pettiness, whining and bitchiness, different salon.
   
   And yet, I still like it.
   
   
9. I got called Miss Martha today because I think the customer service person on the telephone couldn't pronounce my mom's not-particularly-difficult-to-pronounce Czech last name.
   
   I guess if you ax folx quessions fo' a livin', z pernounced as zh migh juss be a l'il tuff.
   
   
10. It's worth visiting two different nail places to get a super fantastic pedicure and an equally awesome set of nails done, if you can't get both at the same place.
    

fuzzy wuzzy scaley cute

Three thoughts:

1. It's amazing which side you root for, depending on what sort of documentary you're watching.

If it's one sort, you're rooting for the cute little Thompson's gazelles to escape the toothy maws of vicious predators.

And if it's another, you're desperately hoping that the inexperienced cheetah mother can catch thoses same wily gazelles, so that she can feed her seven hungry little fluff balls of kitteny cuteness.

You know, despite knowing that all seven could never successfully make it to adulthood.

But they're so damned cute.

2. Female green anacondas can shave as many as 100 days off of their pregnancy by basking in the sun.

If only that worked for everyone.

Sure, skin cancer would be at an all-time high, but maternity wardrobes would be cut in half.

3. And... I love love love Adrian, the Quiznos coyote.

In case you aren't aware, Tuesday, a coyote walked into a downtown Loop Quiznos through the propped-open front door, wandered around inside for a minute, then took a 40 minute siesta inside the open drink cooler, before being captured and hauled away by animal control.

Then Wednesday, after a night in the pokey, and with a clean bill of health, Adrian was released back into the wild.

If you can really call a wooded area in Barrington, Illinois, near a horse barn and two tennis court 'the wild.'

In depth info here:

http://cbs2.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_094024554.html

http://www.abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=local&id=5179979

http://www.abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=local&id=5184045