modern medicine.

kaboom y yo.

"Is that..."

"Is that a banjo?"

*nod*

"What is this shit?"

"Bon Jovi's new album. It all sounds like country, but he assures us that it isn't."

"Yeah, maybe like Ban Jovi."

"I love that."

"What?"

"That you just said that."

"Damn... then you should be glad you don't spend more time around me."

"I suppose."

lollapalooza 07.

I've been kinda down on spending time in front of the computer for the last couple of months, so I apologize for being remiss in updating.

August 3-5, I volunteered at Lollapalooza 07, running the Mulletorium at the Mindfield stage.

I perpetrated many crimes against hair, at the clients's requests mind you, and had a great deal of fun. I will be doing it again next year.

I was occupied volunteering everyday until like 5:30 pm, so I really got to only see the big shows, but it was a good time. I saw Spoon, Interpol, Snow Patrol, Daft Punk, LCD Soundsystem, Mink, My Morning Jacket, Satellite Party (TWICE!), Pearl Jam, and Patti Smith.

On the last day, I got a VIP wristband to the Lolla-Lounge, so I got a mini-massage, drank a bunch of free booze, ate some food, and loaded up my knapsack with snacks galore (they have great treats for the VIPs, so I helped myself...), and enjoyed Pearl Jam and My Morning Jacket, far away from the gigantic-ass crowds. Oh, and there were fireworks.

Unfortunately, I didn't have my new camera until that Sunday, so the only photos of previous days are crappy-ass cellphone pix that I may or may not future upload.

my favorite things

I do have to admit that the highpoint of the Southport Street Festival going on immediately outside the front door of my workplace this last weekend (you know, all 2.5 blocks of festive fun), was watching the little kids all dance around happily while the Sublime coverband performed the song Date Rape.

Or maybe it was the $9.00 funnel cake that tasted like stale everything that has ever been fried in that vat of oil, once it cooled down enough to eat.

and you thought we were friends.

In case you were anxiously awaiting the answers to the "how well do you know me" list, here they are:

1. What are the two movies I have seen more than any other movies? Bonus: Why?

Desperately Seeking Susan is one of them. Not only did I see it in the theatre multiple times, but when I worked at a video store during beauty school, I used to run the movie all day on the weekends when I was working. I've seen that bitch like at least 150 times.

The other one is Grease. Yes, I said Grease.

Almost every day after school during seventh grade, I would go over to Leona Hughes's house and watch it with her while we ate dinners of ramen with parmesan cheese sprinkled on top.

Perhaps not coincidentally, I stopped growing in 7th grade. Whether that can be attributed to the ramen or the movie, I can't rightly say.

2. What is the movie that I made everyone watch with me after I taped it off of AMC (back when they ran movies without commercial interruptions)?

Breakfast at Tiffany's. Which also happens to be one of my favorite movies, ever,

Amusingly, Goonies is playing at the art theatre near where I work this week. I might have to go see it again...

3. Why do I have so many houseplants?

Because I feel compelled to rescue them from places that should not sell houseplants, like Target and Jewel.

Oh, and it doesn't hurt that I have a pretty green thumb.

4. What was my favorite movie at the beginning of my frosh year of college, and why?

New Jack City.

Because I had a crush on Ice-T.

And because it was fucking awesome at the time.

5. Why don't I like Year Zero?

I am perfectly capable of dealing with moody, boozy, pasty, unhappy, skinny, junkie Trent making a concept album.

The Fragile? It's like setting sail in a well-used coracle, swirling around inside the tumult of his black and broken heart, and then washing up half-drowned on a foreign shore.

But shiny happy, physically fit, tan, mountain-biking Trent with guns like tree trunks?

Not only is he filled with clarity of thought and purpose, but he's also enjoying who he is, for Christ's sake.

Which goes violently against the tenets of everything I have ever held sacred and true.

Year Zero has a theme and a plot and an involved storyline about futurist societies, Big Brother, cultural stagnation, and the revolution against the aforementioned ills.

It's like he's strayed from the canon of nin.

Plus, it just plain doesn't sound as good as his old stuff.

6. How many paper shredders have I owned in the last 2 years?

Three.

The first 2 were inexpensive models that fit over the edge of a garbage can. After prolonged hoarding of shreddables, when I finally got around to taking care of it all, I fried the motors. Both times.

Now I have a more expensive model that cross-cuts paper and shreds discs and credit cards.

It laughs at a huge stack of sensitive documentation and personal information, facilitates the manufacturing of a metric ass-load of confetti, and then throws a ticker-tape parade just for the hell of it.

7. Which of Anne Rice's vampire novels have I _not_ read?

Blood Canticle.

Because even after sitting untouched on the "to read" shelf for a few years, it still manages to SUCK like unto the mightiest of vacuous, whirling space vortices.

how well do you know me?

1. What are the two movies I have seen more than any other movies? Bonus: Why?

2. What is the movie that I made everyone watch with me after I taped it off of AMC (back when they ran movies without commercial interruptions)?

3. Why do I have so many houseplants?

4. What was my favorite movie at the beginning of my frosh year of college, and why?

5. Why don't I like Year Zero?

6. How many paper shredders have I owned in the last 2 years?

7. Which of Anne Rice's vampire novels have I _not_ read?

wet paint - do not touch

In honor of my 35th year of life.

cleaning house

Is anyone interested in the following books? They're wasting space at my house, and they're valueless on Amazon.

1. Lavender: Practical Inspirations for Natural Gifts, Country Crafts & Decorative Displays - Tessa Evelgh, 1996, Lorenz Books, Hardcover.
2. The New Candle Book: Inspirational Ideas for Displaying, Using & Making Candles - Gloria Nicol, 1996, Lorenz Books, Hardcover.
3. The Complete Soapmaker: Tips, Techniques & Recipes fpr Luxurious Handmade Soaps - Norma Coney, 1996, Sterling/Lark, Hardcover.
4. Herbal Remedies: An Introduction to Herbs & Their Theraputic Uses (Naturally Better Series) - Tamara Kircher & Penny Lowery, 1996, Macmillan, Hardcover.
5. aveda pure essences: using flowers and plants to achieve a sense of well-being, circa 1993 0r 1994, soft-cover guide for retailers, very informative about essential oils in general.

Seriously, if anyone wants them, lemme know, otherwise I'm leaving them on the table in the hallway, and who knows what sort of strange neighbors I might have reading them.

(Someone left a huge stack of supernatural romance novels on that table, for criminy's sake - which I have, of course, been working my way through ever since.)

online research is so interesting

Why do 16 of the 17 group of synonym listings for shellac on thesaurus.com seem to involve beating the crap out of someone?

The first thing I think of when I hear “shellac” is the resinous substance created from the dissolution of lac into a solvent of some sort, which is then used to seal wooden furniture and the like. Not thrashing someone.

work conversations.

"So... do you go by Nathanial,

*shrug*

"or Nathan,

*shrug*

"or Nate,

*shrug*

"or Nat?"

"You can call me whatever."

*nod*


"..."

"..."

"Can I call you Boing-Boing McCoy?"

"No, please don't call me Boing-Boing McCoy."

"Are you sure?"

"Please don't call me Boing-Boing McCoy."

"Because, you know, you kinda look like a Boing-Boing McCoy."

*vehement headshake*

"But, whatever..."

*nod*

"I guess Nathanial is fine, too."

"Okay."

more reasons to love redbox.

She's the Man.

Dude, I hate to admit it, but with the exception of Lovewrecked, I love Amanda Bynes in quirky romantic, coming of age comedies.

Plus, it's a variation of Twelfth Night, my favorite Shakespearean gift to the world.

My fave Twelfth Night? The one with Imogen Stubbs, Tony Stephens, Ben Kingsley, & Helena Bonham Carter.

Mmmm. Toby Stephens as Duke Orsino.

Yummy-licious.

And for my viewing pleasure now? Eragon.

Guiltless movies at $1.06 a pop.

Less than a pop, even... a Pepsi is like $1.29 if you're lucky!

either way, i'll still be crying...

So I rented The Lake House from redbox.

It's exactly the kind of movie that I would certainly never pay $3.99 to rent, and would probably catch for "free" on HBO, if I still had a subscription. But for $1.06 (including tax), I'm game.

During the opening credits, I noted that it was based on a Korean film called Il Mare.

And I was enjoying the movie, it being a self-indulgent, tear-inducing chick-flick.

But then as the movie progressed, I realized that I wasn't sure if this was going to be a City of Angels, or a Wings of Desire.

In Wings of Desire, an angel discovers a lovely trapeze artist, literally falls, sells his gear, finds her, and lives happily ever after.

In City of Angels, an angel stalks an unhappy female surgeon, falls, gets mugged, finds her after many trials and tribulations, loves her for one night, watches her die horribly in a bike v. logging truck accident, and then lives happily never after as a mortal who has tasted love for one brief moment.

To be honest, it's really all just a matter of how relatively Hollywood-ized and tainted the story becomes in the telling.

And despite either eventuality, I still ended up snuffling and weeping at the end.

Now, I'm going to go watch Failure to Launch, also a $1.06 pick.

sounds

overheard

Onegin the movie?

At least I don't understand opera, or I'd probably judge that, too.

spoken

Things are going so well, I don't even clean my house anymore.

Well, I don't clean my house, either.

Yeah, but you don't have a maid.

driven mad

*chirp* *whirr* *chirp* *whirr*

Shut up! Shut up!

*chirp* *whirr* *chirp* *whirr*

One of you bitches better find that thing and kill it...

*chirp* *whirr* *chirp* *whirr*

... because I am so not living with two crickets.

dramarama at the workplacery

Okay, so I just got off the phone with my Assistant, who is 23, and tender-hearted, and a little weird, because the 40-somethings that work in the salon were bullying her.

Which means they were being bitchy, and she needs to grow a pair.

I am sympathetic to everyone's situation: you've got an insecure child trying to lead a team of stubborn mules.

They kick, they bite, they bray.

They're mules.

And you've got an experienced, opinionated, set-in-their-ways team of mules being led by a child who is afraid of them.

She's practically ready to quit because she's upset that they ignore her and bitch about her.

After listening to her vent for a while, I actually said to her, "When I was your age..." which made me feel really old. But it's true, at 23 I was a whole different person who took everything personally and cried a lot, too.

So, I shared a few experiences that I've had, and told her that at some point, I realized that I can't live in fear of other people, nor can I let their issues fuck with my issues, or worse, become my issues.

And I told her that she needs to learn how to do that, too. But I also told her that I kind of hope that she'll live the kind of life and have the experiences in her life where she'll never have to be hard and not care enough to let things bother her that deeply. I wish that sort of life for everyone.

It's not realistic, but it made her feel better. And I think she realizes that I am on her side, too. Because I'm not going to abandon her or the salon just because some other stylists who should know better than to act that petty and immature are acting bitchy or mean. Seriously, though, they're not going to run me out of there -- if I leave, it's on my own terms and for my own reasons.

Dude, I'm giving sage, confidence-building advice to early twenty-somethings. That's fucked up.

But also kind of cool.

I might be goofy and immature, but I'm also very sensical when I want to be, I've had a lot of shitty experiences in my life that I've learned from, and I've adopted and adapted the motivational teachings of a couple of industry leaders that help put my career life in perspective, and hopefully help others to order their lives a bit.

And good God, I can't even really call it peer-counseling, either, because I'm not really the kind of person who can be her peer.

Which can only mean... I'm a mentor.

drawbacks

I like my job. I really do. But I do not really like children coming into my job.

Perhaps peculiar to that particular neighborhood, everyone that frequents the salon and brings children with them, has like 4 kids, all pretty closely ranged in age from babe-in-arms to about 4th grade. And if they don't have 4 kids of their own, they come in with someone else that has the appropriate amount of children to round the group out to 4 children.

Case in point, we had two women bring their herd of children into the salon earlier today.

One woman had 3, the other woman had 1, and the woman with more children wanted both of her boys to get cuts.

She was told it would be at least 30 minutes, so they put the names in and left.

Ten minutes later, they all returned to the salon and sat down. Well, the adults sad down. The children instead started to whoop and holler and run around like little crazy people, clearly not using their indoor voices, and the mothers responded by increasing the volume of their conversation, as the decibel level of the children rose accordingly.

No chiding, no shushing, no dirty looks. No, "Sit down over here and stop pulling your sister's hair!" No grabbing things out of the children's hands and putting them back on the shelves where they belonged.

No nothin'.

A couple of minutes later, the more apparently fertile of the pair inquired as to whether the wait would be 20 minutes or not, as she could not decide if they should leave and come back, or just stay inside until there was time for the kids to get cuts.

All I really wanted to say, "Well, it'd be a lot quieter in here if you left."

But I didn't.

music update:

Theory Anesthetic.

Mandy not only heads up the group, but she's also my client, so you know her hair rocks.

Today, she gave me a copy of the new cd, but unfortunately all cd-playing devices in my household recognize it only as a blank disc.

At least you and I can listen to them here.

My fave is Church of Nothing.

thank the lord for small miracles...

It's about damned time, for criminy's sake!

"NOW AVAILABLE! Neuticles UltraPLUS with Epididymis

"Introducing a new level of testicular implantation for previously neutered, monorchid or cryptorchid pets.
"Neuticles UltraPLUS^® with ScarRetard features not only the testes but the Cauda Epididymis, Ductus Deferens, Pampiniform Plexus and Caput Epididymis, which restores the pet to anatomical preciseness (my emphasis). Two suture tabs located at the end of the Pampinform Plexus, and midway on the testes, anchor the implant to assure optimum realism.

"Eight sizes and custom sizing for any pet now available.

"Click Here for details and pricing."

And yes, I was actually aware of what the epididymus was prior to this: when irritated by moronic men, I used to graciously offer to show them their epididymii if they didn't stop bothering me.

Then I was generally forced to explain exactly what the epididymus was and where it was located, often in great, achingly explicit detail.

Which usually left me devoid of unwanted male companionship.

(I personally find it far more effective than threatening to tear off someone's limb and beat that someone to death with it.)

some things I believe...

1. Vera Bradley bags are hideously ugly.
   
   They look like those particular sort of carryalls in which old biddy spinsters cart their knitting around.
   
   
2. Evan Farmer is hot.
   
   
3. So is Colin Ferguson.
   
   
4. Sunbelle raspberries from Chile taste a lot better than Driscoll's from Mexico.
   
   
5. These are the fucking coolest flip-flops ever made. (They have the grommets on the inside like the shoes do, and they even have the ALL*STAR tag on the back heel. Righteous!)
   
   
6. My Black & Decker digital convection toaster oven is the shiz-nit.
   
   I love baking now that doing it it doesn't heat the entire apartment up to like 100-degrees Fahrenheit.
   
   
7. Anjou pears are infinitely superior to bartlett pears when making brie and pear toast. Bosc will also do in a pinch.
   
   
8. My job?
   
   Same ol' pettiness, whining and bitchiness, different salon.
   
   And yet, I still like it.
   
   
9. I got called Miss Martha today because I think the customer service person on the telephone couldn't pronounce my mom's not-particularly-difficult-to-pronounce Czech last name.
   
   I guess if you ax folx quessions fo' a livin', z pernounced as zh migh juss be a l'il tuff.
   
   
10. It's worth visiting two different nail places to get a super fantastic pedicure and an equally awesome set of nails done, if you can't get both at the same place.
    

fuzzy wuzzy scaley cute

Three thoughts:

1. It's amazing which side you root for, depending on what sort of documentary you're watching.

If it's one sort, you're rooting for the cute little Thompson's gazelles to escape the toothy maws of vicious predators.

And if it's another, you're desperately hoping that the inexperienced cheetah mother can catch thoses same wily gazelles, so that she can feed her seven hungry little fluff balls of kitteny cuteness.

You know, despite knowing that all seven could never successfully make it to adulthood.

But they're so damned cute.

2. Female green anacondas can shave as many as 100 days off of their pregnancy by basking in the sun.

If only that worked for everyone.

Sure, skin cancer would be at an all-time high, but maternity wardrobes would be cut in half.

3. And... I love love love Adrian, the Quiznos coyote.

In case you aren't aware, Tuesday, a coyote walked into a downtown Loop Quiznos through the propped-open front door, wandered around inside for a minute, then took a 40 minute siesta inside the open drink cooler, before being captured and hauled away by animal control.

Then Wednesday, after a night in the pokey, and with a clean bill of health, Adrian was released back into the wild.

If you can really call a wooded area in Barrington, Illinois, near a horse barn and two tennis court 'the wild.'

In depth info here:

http://cbs2.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_094024554.html

http://www.abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=local&id=5179979

http://www.abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=local&id=5184045

damned censors.

Clearblue has changed the voice-over on the commercial to now say the following:

"Clearblue Digital Pregnancy Test, the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever... *clears throat*...you know."

I am sorely disappointed.

Indeed.