sinks, showers, boxes and bags.

...i have proof

06.16.05

There are certain things about Cricket that I will never understand.

One of them is her need to sleep in odd places.

Turning on the bathroom light, only to wake her up from where she's been curled up in the sink, sleeping? Check.

Pulling back the shower curtain, only to find her sprawled out lazily in the tub, giving me the stink eye for disturbing her slumber? Been there.

Having to move Cricket so that I can wear a pair of shoes? I don't call her "shoesnoozer" for nothing!

Nice, cushy, fluffy sheepskin rug on the floor, and she's holed up in a nearby shoebox or a brown paper shopping bag? Ayup.

Coming out of the bathroom to discover Cricket noisily rustling around in a Binny's bag, trying to find the right place to cash out for the afternoon? You bet.

Don't believe me?

"Hey, lazy. Wake up!"

"I think the shoes would be a better fit."

"Hey, lazy. Wake up!"

"Aren't you adorable, you little bag stealer!"

Take that, you disbelievers.

You should see how incredibly excited she gets when I receive a package.

She doesn't care what's in it. It could be a kilo of catnip, and the only reason she's pacing around and meowing loudly is because I'm taking too long opening it up and giving her the empty box to play in.

She's worse than a one year-old child at Christmas, ignoring the presents for the boxes, bows and wrapping paper.

Although, I have to admit, last holiday season, she did seem to thoroughly enjoy both the boxes and wrapping paper piled around us while we all opened our presents, although I don't believe she had access to any bows, so I don't know how she felt about them.

i'm missing you.

...i thought i was okay

06.15.05

It's been a few weeks since Trent died, and I thought I was okay with things now. I loved him a lot, and I know that he loved me, too.

Sure, I wistfully reminisce about a big lump of blue-eyed kitty, curled up next to me on the sofa, purring away blissfully while Tifling, Willybean and I would watch a movie or something together. You can't forget that kind of love. I can even hear Gabriel in a far off room, meowing, lost but knowing that we're there somewhere, and that if he yowled enough we'd reveal our secret location.

But, I guess when I was grieving his absence, I was grieving his absence in Tif and Will's life, and not mine. He'd had health problem after health problem that he always seemed to beat, but not this time. I felt sorry for Tif because I knew she felt guilty that maybe she did or didn't do something, the 'what if' guilt that a parent feels after a tragedy. And I felt terrible for Wil, because he'd been trapped in the South somewhere, conducting important business that he definitely couldn't miss, feeling the 'if only' grief of the absent parent. I was heartbroken that Trent died at the vet, although he died the least painful and swiftest way that his health status would allow, and that he didn't have loved ones around him.

When I still lived on the farm, between Iowa City and here, Celeste gave birth to a litter of three kittens. Dora the little gray tabby, Cricket the little black demon, and CJ the sweet, fluffy calico that looked like her aunt, Clarissa.

At first, all of the kittens were in fine health, seemingly free of all the maladies that seemed to plague the outside cats. But then suddenly CJ took a turn for the worse, and we all knew that she was going to die. There was no reason to take her to the vet because we all had enough experience with the farm cats to know that it'd be spending a whole lot of money on a poor creature that no one could possibly save. So, we each took turns sitting with her curled up next to us on the sofa, nestled gently in a bed made out of a soft towel and some clever twisting and tucking.

CJ was lying on the sofa next to me, curled up in her nest, almost perfectly still except for her breathing. Every once in a while she'd go still for a moment, and then make a small gasp for air, before settling back down into quiescence. Midway through my watch, the gasps were becoming further and further apart, so I turned my attention to her, gently stroking her fur and whispering to her that we loved her and that we would always love her, as she made a little coughing noise, and then silently slipped into oblivion.

Generally speaking, when you tell someone your dog died, you get a lot of sympathy and empathy and outpouring of emotion. Pats on the back, hugs, reminiscing about how wonderful Rusty was and how he reminded everyone of Marmaduke, canine-themed cards, and maybe even a mylar "With Sympathy" balloon. You might even get the day off, or at least get cut some slack in regards to some obligation or other.

When you tell someone that your cat died, you get a response more along the lines of, "Oh, jeez. That's too bad. Are you okay? Oh, and can you pass me the salt cellar, please? These potatoes are a little bland."

Trent was my friend, even if he was a cat.

He was loving and kind and sweet and more than a pet.

He was a little character that would comfort you when you felt bad, lay on your keyboard when you needed to type something, shed taupey-grey fur all over your black pants, and wake you up at 4am because he needed to climb under the covers with you.

I store things in the basement of Tif n' Wil's house because I chose an apartment that sacrificed off-season storage for semi-sheltered, private parking spaces.

Many of the times that I have gone down into their basement, whether to get something from storage, or to put something in storage, or even to go help fold sheets or something, I have had to shoo Trent away from the door and shut it firmly behind me so that he wouldn't follow me down the steps. He liked to go places that were forbidden, and the basement is rife with hidey holes and mysterious taboo goods.

Last night, I went to store a box in the basement, and reflexively pulled the handle to make sure Trent couldn't push it open. And then I realized that I didn't need to shut the door tightly behind me again. I realized that I was never going to chase Trent around the basement again, waving my arms and calling him a bad boy, until finally convincing him to run back up the steps and out into the kitchen or dining room of his own accord.

And as I wandered back up the stairs, I started weeping.

As I walked through the hall and into the office, the weeping turned into snuffling and crying, and Tif concernedly asked me what was wrong.

Between loud sobs, I managed to gasp out, "I just realized I'm never going to chase Trent around the basement again."

And then she put her arms around me as I started truly bawling, hugging me tightly, simply and sadly replying, "I know."

trying to preserve culture.

...public still means something

06.14.05

I am not a terribly political person, but this absolutely makes me want to cry:

The House is threatening to eliminate all public funding for NPR and PBS, starting with "Sesame Street," "Reading Rainbow" and other commercial-free children's shows.

To me, this is one of the lowest blows to our culture that our Government can make, so in my own way, I am making my voice heard...

This is what I am telling my Senators and Representative:

The P in both NPR & PBS is Public. Which is exactly who you are hurting if you eliminate funding for either stations.

There is a whole segment of society that has been raised on PBS/NPR, from watching "Sesame Street" as children, to listening to Garrison Keillor tell stories about Lake Woebegon on "A Prairie Home Companion" with their families on Sunday night after dinner.

Personally, I love the variety that cable television and commercial radio offer. But I also like NPR and PBS because they offer an alternative to Pop Culture.

I know many, many people that eschew the gratuitous sex and violence that cable and commercial radio disseminate.

I have no problem with hearing someone on television or the radio say, "shit" or call someone an "asshole." I am not offended by shows that feature graphic violence and gratuitous nudity, and I don't generally consider them trash.

But, I would hope that as parents, as many of you are, you wouldn't be comfortable with your babies watching that type of television, or listening to that on the radio.

And this also isn't a call to censor cable television or commercial radio. I firmly believe that the first amendment is right, and free speech should not be censored.

But if you cut the funding for Public media, you are effectively censoring some very valid, useful, educational and worthwhile freedoms of speech.

Congress must save NPR, PBS and local public stations. We trust them for in-depth news and educational children's programming. It's money well spent.

If you feel at all the same as I do, I urge you to sign this petition.

MoveOn.org is a PAC, and they can be a little over the top, but on this issue, I wholeheartedly stand behind them in this fight. I don't always agree with their actions or the way that they push a lot of their agendas, but I do think that they are generally working for the forces of good.

Thanks for letting me proselytize, and if you don't like it, that's your problem and not mine.

cinematic genesis of a hero

...i'm fangirl, who are you?

06.13.05

Friday, I came home from work to find the following email in my box:

"Kristen,

"You've won a pair of passes to Q101's screening of Batman Begins this Monday, June 13th at 7:00pm at AMC River East theatres, located at 322 E. Illinois Street in Chicago.

"PLEASE READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR GETTING INTO THE MOVIE. Please do not respond to this email.

"You will be on a GUEST-LIST at the theater, and you MUST bring a PHOTO I.D. to gain admittance to this screening. Bring your I.D. to the Q101 representative to receive a screening pass, which will be good for YOU PLUS ONE GUEST. You CAN NOT transfer your pass to anyone else, so please don't have someone else bring this email to the theater--they will not be admitted. Only you (and your guest) will be allowed into the theater.

"As always, please keep in mind that the theatre is overbooked to ensure capacity and we strongly recommend that you arrive early.

"At the theatre, seating is on a first come, first serve basis. Passes and R.S.V.P.'s DO NOT guarantee seating. No one will be admitted without a pass and no one will be admitted after the screening begins. Seating is not guaranteed. Theatre is not responsible for overbooking. No children under 6 years old will be admitted.

"Enjoy the film."

Well, I'll tell you, I planned to enjoy the bitch out of it.

I originally wasn't planning on taking anyone as my guest, because I would want to take both Willybean and Tifling, which obviously presented a problem -- the whole PLUS ONE GUEST thing. I decided that the best course of action was to take neither of them, but then I found out that she couldn't go and he could, so I took Willybean with me.

We ended up sitting fairly close to the front of the theater, even though I had gotten there more than an hour early to get decent seats, and to guarantee our admittance to the show. But that was okay, because the theater has cushy seats, and we weren't craning our necks all funny or anything*.

I turned around in my seat before the movie started, and I noticed that Mancow and his wife were sitting not that far from where we are, but up in the stadium seats. I pointed this out to Willybean, and he didn't know what Mancow looked like until I pointed him out.

I told Wil that it was the guy that looked kind of like Randy, except cooler and cuter, with the tiny pregnant lady next to him. Apparently, Pete the Movie Manatee was sitting on his other side, but I didn't recognize him because he doesn't actually look like a manatee, like on the radio.

A lot of other Q101 'notables' were present, including Woody, Tony, and Ravey** from the Q101 afternoon Woody Show.

Wil then pointed out that the stamp on the back of our hands was one of the vampire symbols from Blade. I then pointed out that for some reason, my stamp had almost completely worn off the back of my hand. We posited that perhaps I shouldn't attempt to leave the movie, since they had told everyone at the doors, "No stamp, no admittance." Fortunately, I peed before the stamp wore off, so we were all good.

I did wish that we had food or drink, but I didn't die of thirst or anything. I did have a rumbly tummy by the end of the show, though. Wil said that he had hoped that I would, in classic thrifty fashion, have smuggled in food and drink in my bag. I am somewhat notorious for doing things like popping two bags of micropopcorn beforehand, dumping it into a big ziploc, and smuggling it into the show in a large purse of some sort, complete with candy and a beverage of my choice -- generally water from a nearby vendor that doesn't charge $4 for one bottle. Unfortunately, I had a purse that was only large enough to conceal gum, so no dice. We thought about a food run to the lobby, but then the movie started.

Now, I loved the first two Batman movies, starring Michael Keaton, and directed by Tim Burton. Tim put a glorious spin upon the franchise, and he did it with penache. Both films are visually stunning, and Michael plays Bruce/Batman splendidly as he is defined by the film. The plotlines are equal parts serious and camp, and were perfect for their time. (They even generated great Happy Meal toys.) However, I've always enjoyed them more in the sense that they were "Tim Burton's Batman," and "Tim Burton's Batman Returns."

Which is why I've been awaiting this movie's release with baited breath. I am a Batman fangirl. I don't have posters or t-shirts, nor do I attend conventions. (I do have the Happy Meal toys from Batman Returns, but that's mostly because I worked at McDonald's during that film's reign.) I don't post on Batman bulletin boards, and I don't collect the comics. I have, however, read a great deal of them in graphic novel form, courtesy of the Iowa City Public Library, and am well-versed in the history of the Bat.

I think I like Batman as a character, because he is a man. A rich, driven man with a tortured soul and cool toys, but a man nonetheless. He has no super powers. He relies on wit, and skill, and technology. He has human strengths and weaknesses. He's the 'antihero superhero.' He's the code hero that embraces the dark. And he's a very mysterious, romantic figure.

But I digress...

Batman Begins tells the story of Batman's genesis, as you can tell from the title.

Most of the movie is exposition, and it really isn't until towards the end of the movie that Batman is a fairly completed, actualized figure. I say fairly completed, because I think that as long there is a Batman, there will be a man in a cape and cowl, answering the call of a searchlight, constantly becoming something more than he is already.

The story starts where it should, telling the well-known tale of a child's grief over witnessing his parent's shocking murder in front of him, by a man named Joe Chill, during a botched robbery attempt. You even get the obligatory breaking of the necklace and falling beads everywhere. (Joe Chill did actually kill the Waynes in the established DC Comics Universe) And it shows him growing into a discontended young man, played by Christian Bale***, who wants vengeance to quiet the nightmares in his head, but then decides that losing himself in the world is a better plan.

We follow his trials and tribulations, his training, and his return to Gotham, to focus and turn his need for vengeance into a need to seek justice in a corrupt city. And yes, there is a fair amount of ass-kicking involved -- providing action segments for the violence-seeking moviegoer. We see him take on crime in disguise, but realizing that he needs something that will inspire fear in the criminals of the city, and play upon their superstitions -- an impressive costume. And we see the fumbling and foils along the way, of taking a concept into action. Of course, Alfred and Lucius Fox figure largely into the picture during this formative state, played by Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman, respectively.

A batcave, a batmobile of sorts, lots of cool toys and gadgets, and some amusing disalog ensue. Oh, and more ass-kicking occurs.

Bruce Wayne himself is forced, at some point, to wear another disguise, and become what society expects him to be: a rich, stupid, playboy dilettante -- or at least give the appearance thereof. He can be the gritty, somber Dark Knight on his own time, but when he's in the limelight, he's got to play the part of the foolish, juvenile social butterfly.

In typical superhero movie (and comicbook) plotlines, bad guys and bad deeds are presented, as well as interesting mysteries to unravel. Ken Watanabe plays a fairly small but memorable role, Liam Neeson is excellent in the Ra's al Ghul part of the story, and Cillian Murphy shows up deliciously as Jonathan Frame, director of Arkham Asylum, and future Batman nemesis, Scarecrow****.

We also have Katie Holmes taking a turn as Bruce's closest childhood friend, and present-day hard-nosed damsel-in-a-little-distress. Yes, she gets captured, and yes, she gets rescued by Batman. Big surprise there. Oh, and Katie's character totally loves the new-style Bruce Wayne, btw. Much to-do has been made about Katie's presence in this role, and to be honest, she wasn't that impressive. Honestly, any attractive, innocent-looking actress around her age could have played the part.

And a surprisingly normal Gary Oldman turns up as a police sergeant named James Gordon, who becomes an unwitting ally of Batman's in his fight to clean up the city.

So Bruce, as Batman, gets his game and his gear all put together, and does what he can to solve the problem at hand -- the actions set into motion by the bad guys. It isn't a perfect fix, and there are clearly still a lot of horrible problems left to deal with after the immediate crisis is abated. Lots of people got dosed with the fear, and that isn't fixed. Most of the police force is, erm, missing from action. Huge chunks of the city have been completely decimated as collateral damage.

The Dark Knight has returned, and he's done it with style.
..........

*Willybean and I went to see Hellboy on it's opening night, and ended up sitting in the very front left, a couple of seats from the edge of the left side of the screen. Let's just say that it was awkward following the action, and gave me a headache from all the contorting in the chair and whatnot.

**Ravey was complaining the next day on the air that the movie was only so-so, because it wasn't action-packed enough, and had too much exposition.

Um hi, the title Batman Begins implies exposition. Lots and lots and lots of exposition, thus the whole use of the word BEGINS, dumb ass. Begin = not actively being something, but instead starting to become something.

I emailed their show and asked if she had eyeballs in her head, because if the exposition had been boring to her, she should have enjoyed the eyecandy, Christian Bale. Mmm. Even mud and scruffy can't make him any less tasty.

***I am pleased to announce that Christian Bale has body fat again. Not a lot, but just enough to make him look softly human. In the movies Equilibrium and American Psycho, Christian was so lean that he looked hard-edged and almost inhuman. (I think Madonna looks a lot like this now, too.) His skin was tight and drawn, and his beautiful high cheekbones looked like more like sharpened weapons than genetically-blessed assets. And he looked old. Not Rutger Hauer old, not George Hamilton old, but definitely no longer filled with the softness of youth.

For the role of The Machinist, Christian lost so much weight that he was literally skin and bones, and for this movie, through an amazing regimen of diet and exercise, he's back in good form. Excellent form. Delicious and tantalizing form. Ahem. He's got enough body fat now that while he is cut and in excellent shape, he's also fully capable of playing a spoiled rich boy, kept softened by the lush life. Also, the cape and the cowl are all hard edges, and a less-rigid jawline adds that bit of humanity that a Batman needs.

****Of course, as Hollywood must, when it converts something with an established backstory into film, the villians are presented as glamorized versions of themselves, and are introduced to the Batman storyline a long time before they really would have been involved in the history of Batman's life. Factually speaking, ie: according to Batman Canon, Ra's al Ghul doesn't even really meet Batman until he was added to the mix in 1971. Batman meets Talia, Ra's's daughter, and meets Ra's through her. Ra's perceived Batman to be a good candidate for marriage to Talia, thus becoming the heir to his legacy, and they even worked together for a while until Batman realized that Ra's's goals were vastly divergent from his own, and has since spent much of his career thwarting Ra's's nefarious plans. The Scarecrow, aka Dr. Jonathan Crane, introduced in 1941, started out as a university professor studying phobias, and ended up a criminal mastermind with a propensity for psychological manipulations and a keen interested in the pharmaceutical properties of hallucinogens. He created a fear-inducing hallucinogenic compound that has figured largely in his reign of crime, and is probably what his is most known for in the Batverse. And he's never run Arkham, but he has definitely been a resident in the Asylum.

tomkatting around.

...i have mixed feelings

06.12.05

My thoughts on Tom-Kat*.

I generally feel that you should do whatever you want in life. As long as it doesn't harm anyone else, or break any laws**.

Ergo, I feel that you should date whomever you wish, unless they are already involved with someone else and it would hurt the third party, or the intended datee is jail-bait.

I suppose a 26-year old can totally date a 42-year old.

However, in 1983, when 21 year-old Tom Cruise was dancing around his parent's living room to "Old Time Rock & Roll," wearing a pink oxford shirt and tighty-whiteys, 5-year old Katie Holmes was in KINDERGARTEN.

That means, she shouldn't have seen the unedited version of this film until it had been out for like 10 years.

And when 24-year old Tom Cruise, as Pete Maverick, was aerially assaulting the hearts of teenage girls (and boys) everywhere, 8-year old Katie Holmes was probably a Brownie***.

Granted, she was probably allowed to see this movie at that age, but still.

Maybe it's sweet that she's finally getting a crack at her schoolgirl crush.

She said it herself last year, in a magazine interview, pre-Cruise, "I think every little girl dreams about her wedding. I used to think I was going to marry Tom Cruise."

And his recent reply to this is, "Well I don't want to disappoint her. I'm going to discuss it with her. Honestly, I haven't had this kind of experience before."

More power to them, I guess.

The whole kindergarten thing still kind of squicks me, though.

I don't really know.
..........

*In case you live under a rock, I'm talking about the "super couple," Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes. As an aside, what's the deal with giving all the hot celeb couples a cutesy nickname? First we had Bennifer, then Bennifer 2, and now we have Bradgelina and Tom-Kat. Blech.

**I'm a little flexible on the law-breaking bit, but it's generally true.

***You know, the Girl Scout junior junior league.(There's already a Junior Girl Scouts.) When you're too young to be an actual Girl Scout, you get to be a Brownie.

I was a Brownie. I sold cookies. I remember eating a lot of cookies, too.

I think even Short-Round was a Brownie, although she may have been a Girl Scout. I'm not certain. I just remember her being my source for Lemon Pastry Cremes. (I firmly believe that moms only get their little girls involved in the program to gain easy access to the cookies. Leadership abilities, team-building, life skills? Pshaw. Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos®, Samoas®, Tagalongs®? You bet your bottom dollar.)

askpixie - vacation email

askpixie.

06.11.05

Please hold all e-mail til July 5th, as I will be on vacation. I will contact you when I'm back and ready for your wonderful e-mails.

Marian

Dear Marian,

I hope that you have a wonderful vacation. Make sure to take lots of photos!

I look forward to hearing from you, and I can't wait to hear all of your crazy vacation stories!

Just make sure to hold all your emails until after July 10, because when you're coming back from vacation, I will just be starting mine! What a coincidence!

Now, wait. Who are you again?

I mean, is this some sort of subversive spam that I don't understand, meant to drive me crazy?

Or is this just mis-directed email?

Ah, nevermind. Just bring me back a t-shirt or something.

-- pixie

do you have a question for askpixie? mail: askpixie(at)pixiemartin(dot)com

(if you want to know about some form of thermal relaxing, click here.)

If pixie can't help, you're screwed.™

(disclaimer: as you can imagine, askpixie is not a licensed therapist, nor is she a doctor of anything. she has, however, had enough problems in her life, and enough damn therapy, that she can pretty much handle most of what you could probably throw at her. and whatever she can't directly answer herself, she will do her best to find an answer for you elsewhere. unless otherwise noted, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein, therein, and whereverin you're looking, are © pixiemartin, 2005. you gotta problem with that, punk?)

accomplishment pleasures

...i get proud over silly things

06.10.05

On a daily basis, I have a set schedule of things that I need to accomplish. Generally, I forget to do most of them, and then have to remind myself to do them later.

Which generally happens a couple of days to weeks later.

And when I finally do whatever I was supposed to have done a couple of days to weeks earlier, I get all inordinately pleased with myself.

Like when I was supposed to cancel my membership in one of those credit protection programs that is free for the first 30 days and gets you a free credit report? At least a 45 days later, I not only remembered to do it, but also follow through and get it accomplished. And I felt a certain sense of perverse pleasure at telling the guy that the reason I was cancelling it was because I only did it in the first place for the free credit report. (Which really turned out to cost $11.95, but is still cheaper than paying for a regular 3-bureau report.)

Or when I finally renewed my license plate sticker and city parking sticker, at least a month after I had meant to, I felt a warm glow. Granted, I still had a couple of weeks left in the renewal window, but still.

You can only imagine how pleased I am with myself when I do the laundry or clean out the littler box, let me tell you. Or maybe I won't.

channels 62 and 63, i love you.

...it made me say wow

06.09.05

As you may know, I really like to watch Food Network and HGTV.

Right now I'm totally addicted to Crafters Coast to Coast and Debbie Travis' Painted House.
I also enjoy Sensible Chic. Debbie Travis' Facelift is also another love, but it also on at irregular times, and I think I may have already seen all the episodes. CCtC & DTPH are on every weekday, back to back, so I can tape them and enjoy them later.

And it isn't like I don't like pretty much everything HGTV has to offer, but there are a few exceptions. I hate House Detective, House Hunters, Designing for the Sexes, Decorating Cents, and Room by Room. Out of 50 or so shows available, that isn't really a lot of things to dislike.

On the Food Network, I like to watch about anything that Tyler Florence gets his hands into -- Food 911, Tyler's Ultimate, How to Boil Water, etc., and I'm a big fan of Everyday Italian, Chocolate with Jacques Torres, Paula's Home Cooking, Molto Mario, & Sweet Dreams*.

I'm a little more selective about Food Network programming, because a great deal of the 60+ shows they offer are crap, and a lot of the chefs hosting the shows just plain bug me.

I'm sure that Bobby Flay's a super dude, but he is so smug that I wanna smack him most of the time. Wolfgang Puck is just so tired -- he's become a classic chef cliche. Alton Brown is too nerdy -- he cares a little bit too much more about the whys and wherefores of food, and how it's made on a chemical and physical level, than I do. The physics and chemistry behind baking cookies just doesn't thrill me enough, I guess. And Emeril just plain bothers the crap out of me. Bam this, weenis.

But what I 'm mostly into now is the Food Challenge shows. Like Challenge: Wedding Cake Classic, Food Network's Wedding Cake Challenge, Challenge: Vegas Pastry Battle, Challenge: Chocolate Competition, Challenge: World Pastry Championship, National Pastry Team Championship, Extreme Pastry, World's Best Pastry, etc.

I don't know why, but I really like the pastry and cake challenges the best. Especially the wedding cakes, because people can do some pretty fucking amazing stuff with icing, fondant, marzipan, moldable chocolate and a cake.

My favorite cake designer is Colette Peters, who does amazingly fantastical work. Not all of her work is surreal and fantastical, but I like that kind best.

Oh, and if I ever manage to get myself married, this is totally the kind of cake that I want. Gerber daisies and a fairy topper? Couldn't be better. True, it isn't Colette's Cake, but I'll probably never be able to afford that kind, anyway.

P.S. What do you have to do to deserve a cake like this? Wow.
..........

*Sweet Dreams is hosted by Gale Gand, the pastry chef from Tru, here in Chicago. She made my birthday cake last year, and it tasted damned fantastic. And Tif got me this cookbook for Christmas, which I plan to delve into this summer.

titty polka.

...i miss the titty polka*

06.08.05

This is one of the mutitude of reasons that I miss Dana J. Robinson.

And this is, too.

Plus, she smelled nice and went to strip clubs with me.

I don't have anyone to get boob-slapped and lap-danced with anymore.

I miss that.

I can't imagine Tifling hitting Pole Katz with me any time soon. And maybe Meredith might be up to the task, but she's kinda growing up these days, so you never know. She gardens now.

Thank the Lord that HBO regularly runs reality shows about strippers, porn stars, and practioners of deviant sexual activities. It's not quite the same, but still. It makes me misty.
..........

*We Like to Party by the Vengaboys.

bloggery.

...blogger isn't so bad after all

06.07.05

The primary plus I've noted with blogger, thus far, is that it's easier than hell to use.

However, as I've said before, my .html-fu is lacking, so tailoring my blog to suit my wants and needs is going to take a little time.

Oh hell, it'll probably take a lot of time. And probably a lot of studying of other people's blog source code.

And in the very near future, i'll have completely moved over to blogging, instead of updating my old-school site.

Change is scary, but I gotta move with the times. I can whip a post out here in like 1/4 the time I can there, and you don't have to experience the sizeable gaps between entries, forcing you to use the archives to navigate.

They all just link up together in order, and make some room when you have something new to add.

So, yay for progress, I guess.

askpixie - googling education for others

askpixie

06.04.05

Hi, I am trying to find a beauty school that I can attend...I am moving to Mammoth Lakes and wanted to know if you knew the closest school I can attend while living there..Thank you!

Querent,

I don't live anywhere near California, so I don't really know anything about the schools out there, much less where to find them.

If you consult http://www.beautyschoolsdirectory.com, which I found through googling "california beauty schools," you have a far better chance of finding what you are looking for there.

Good luck.

-- pixie

do you have a question for askpixie? mail:
askpixie(at)pixiemartin(dot)com

(if you want to know about some form of thermal relaxing, click here.)

If pixie can't help, you're screwed.™

(disclaimer: as you can imagine, askpixie is not a licensed therapist, nor is she a doctor of anything. she has, however, had enough problems in her life, and enough damn therapy, that she can pretty much handle most of what you could probably throw at her. and whatever she can't directly answer herself, she will do her best to find an answer for you elsewhere. unless otherwise noted, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein, therein, and whereverin you're looking, are © pixiemartin, 2005. you gotta problem with that, punk?)

cocos carcharias.

...coco loco

06.03.05

From the Daily Reflector:

According to Paul Barrington, director of husbandry and operations at the North Carolina Aquarium at Fort Fisher, "Visitors coming to the beach in North Carolina shouldn't be overly concerned with an encounter with a shark," Barrington said. "They'll have far more perils driving to the beach than they would with a shark."

In fact, Barrington said, studies have concluded Americans are far more likely to get bitten by a domesticated pig than by a shark. Furthermore, he said, U.S. residents can expect to be killed by falling coconuts more often than they'll be killed by sharks.

Tifling forwarded the article to me in an email, her sole commentary, "COCONUTS."

You know, I've heard a lot of things compared to the rarity of a shark attack -- you're more likely to die in a auto accident on the way to the beach than be attacked by a shark, you're more likely to die from a peanut allergy than to be attacked by a shark, you're more likely to be hit by lightning than be attacked by a shark, you're more likely to be killed by a dog than be attacked by a shark, you're much more likely to be hurt by a stingray or a jellyfish than a shark, etc., but this is definitely the first time I've heard the coconut comparison.

Another thing that amuses me, in relation to shark attacks, is that local fishermen in the New Jersey area doubt that a local teen was bitten by a great white, despite expert identification of the bite characteristics matching that of a great white.

One of them even went so far to say that he'd been a fisherman in the area for 7 years, and had yet to actually see a shark.

Another fisherman said he doubted it was a great white as he'd never seen one in the water, and that he'd only ever caught one small hammerhead, and a few small dog sharks.

However, Bob Schoelkopf, director of the Marine Mammal Stranding Center in Brigantine, said he believed great whites frequently come to Brigantine Bay to give birth in the spring and, "...if they find good feeding, they may be up here all summer long."

I've also read that one of the larger great white nurseries is off the coast of the Atlantic seaboard, and the entire east coast is ranging area for the great white. Hell, it's the ranging area for a lot of different sharks, including the bull shark, who seems to particularly delight in attacking people all up and down the eastern seaboard, and well into the Gulf.

You still won't catch me in the water, regardless of the improbability of an attack. I'm one of those people that truly unlikely things happens to, so you never know, and I'm perfectly fine in swimming pools, thank you.

fleeting time.

...i feel time fly by

06.02.05

At dinner tonight, Willybean asked me if I wanted to go to the same place for dinner on my birthday that we did last year, or if I wanted to try someplace else.

This year is flying by so fast, that I hadn't even realized my birthday is coming up in 5 weeks. Cripes.

Next think you'll know, I'll be soliciting for Christmas presents*.

I liked Tru a great deal, but maybe somewhere else would be equally nice.

I told him that we all could go wherever he wanted to go, because he was paying.

However, I was awfully crushed that I missed dinner with them at Tru on New Year's Eve.
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*And I mean the "to seek by persuasion or entreaty" kind of solicitation.

Not the "whoring in exchange for largess" kind.

skincare gratis

...i better look good after all this effort

06.01.05

Today, a factory rep came in from Klein-Becker, to give a powerpoint demo for their products Strivectin-SD, and their latest endeavor, Hylexin.

Pappy and I of course joined in, both because we were available, but also because people constantly ask us for skincare recommendations.

And for our time, we were given 2 oz bottles of Strivectin-SD, and a full-size tube of Hylexin. A 6 oz bottle of Strivectin-SD runs like $135, and the Hylexin retails for $95, so that was a good haul.

It's not like I am a wrinkle factory or anything, but I'm concerned about my the skin on my face because I am vain.

I can't help that I'm short, or that I have disproportionally muscular thighs and calves compared to my waifish upper body's tiny boobies and visible ribs. I can't really help that I am so fricking pasty-ass white. Or that when my legs are cold, my skin resembles that of a plucked chicken, from the hip to ankle. I can't really help that I grew too fast and have horrible stretch marks all over my hips and ass -- fortunately I am almost as white as the shade of off-white that scar tissue turns when the pink fades, so they don't stick out that badly.

I can, however, do something about my large pores and breakouts. I can do something about my flaky yet oily skin, the circles under my eyes, the various scars, and the fine lines and wrinkles that I have started noticing as of late.

Mostly, I can utilize concealer and sundry powders to effect the look of smooth, porcelain skin.

Everyone tells me that I have beautiful skin, but I don't believe them, because they're wrong.

But up close, I have horrible skin.

I have pink acne scars, chicken pox scars, the scars that run across my filtrum and up around the corner of my nose, fine lines and wrinkles, shadows, a nose shiny enough to see from space, and ever-increasing pores. I don't want to see uneven pigmentation and visible pores.

So, now I'm using my new skin products to help remedy many of those things.

And here is what I learned about Strivectin-SD and Hylexin from the rep:

1. Because the product's packaging is marketed towards the stretch-marked demographic, it isn't specific about facial application, and as a result, people tend to overuse the product. For your entire face and neck, you should be using no more than a pea-sized amount per application. Anything more than that, and you are using way, way too much.

2. You should use a moisturizer after applying a small amount of the product. Despite the hydrating agents in the formulation, it really isn't intended to be used on the face as a stand-alone moisturizer. If you are using the proper amount of product, it shouldn't be working as a moisturizer or make you feel greasy.

3. When I asked how long you should wait before applying moisturizer, I was told that if you are using the proper amount of Strivectin, it should immediately absorb into the skin, and that you can apply moisturizer immedately afterwards.

4. People that have sensitive eyes or have sensitive skin around their eyes may have problems with the product due to the aromatic oils in it. Their eye cream is the exact same formula sans irritants. Also, I was told that the company has a product called Hylexin that is meant specifically to treat dark eye circles and puffiness. And we're talking genetically-programmed circles -- lots of people of Mediterranean extraction tend to have this problem. However, the Hylexin is about the same price as a small pony, so you might want to take that into consideration.

5. Strivectin is hypoallergenic and opthamologist-tested, but it does have a lot of botanical ingredients that may irritate some people's skin. As an example, mint can be overstimulating for some people, and some people probably have an allergy to one or more of the listed ingredients. (I know someone that used a tea tree foot soak that his girlfriend got him because he was a bartender and stood on his feet all the time, and then found out in from the people in the ER that he was incredibly allergic to tea tree. As you can imagine, he took some time off work to recuperate while the soles of his feet regenerated.) Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be able to use the product because everyone's skin isn't the same. Hell, I have very sensitive skin, so I may not even end up liking the product for these exact reasons. (Oh, and they don't test on animals, for the people that are concerned about that. They test on people.)

6. In terms of scar and stretch mark healing, the rep told me that she had a fairly significant scar across her forehead and down into her eyebrow. All that was visible to casual viewing was the nick in the brow where the hair was missing, so I thought she was full of it. However, she moved into an area that had very bright lighting, and pulled the skin on her forehead taut, and you could actually see where the scar was by the difference in skin texture -- it didn't look like scar tissue, but more like skin with a slightly thinner and shinier texture. I was also informed that it is supposed to help with acne scarring, chicken pox scarring, and should help make the pores in age-coarsened skin look smoother and less visible.

7. Much like many products on the market for a variety of reasons, if you stop using Strivectin, the more temporary results go away. Wrinkles and dark circles around the eyes will most likely come back, and plumped skin will look thinner. However, once scar tissue and stretch marks are faded, uneven pigmentation is corrected, or any of that sort of skin flaw is dealt with, the results are essentially permanent. However, if the skin damage is as a result of something that can be caused again -- let's say uneven pigmentation in the skin from sun damage or stretch marks from pregnancy, results should be lasting unless you again engage in whatever behavior created the problem in the first place, ie: get your hiney back out into the sun and create more damage, or get pregnant again and make that area stretch back out.

8. Strivectin has a generous return policy -- if you are dissatisfied with the product for any reason, you can return it within 30 days and get a full refund. I am fairly sure this won't apply to most online vendors, however, brick-and-mortar stores that have more stringent return policies are supposed to have an agreement with Strivectin to take back the product without question, regardless of amount used -- as long as it's in the first 30 days, and with proof of purchase.

As an aside, lots of people get weird about returning products that they have used and disliked to their respective stores of purchase. As a consumer, you have the right to return a product that you dislike, provided that you meet return requirements -- some places require receipt, original packaging, 50% or more of the product left in the container, have a time frame for returns, etc. If you are going to pony up serious bank for something and you hate it, can't see results, or it creates unwanted problems, get your money back, fool*.

Personally, I tried the Go Smile teeth whitening system, and while I was actually impressed with the whitening action, I was less than impressed with the way that it ate large raw holes in my gums. You better bet that I returned it to get my $65 back -- and this was at the place I worked, no less.

I'm also running a personal study, where I rub Strivectin-SD over one section of stretch marks on my hip, and regular moisturizing body lotion over the comparable section of scarred flesh on the other side of my body.

And I'll let you know in a month if I see any difference.

I am more than willing to spend a little money to permanently get rid of stretch marks, and if it works, I'll also be more than happy to maintain less-flawed skin for $22.50 a month. That's a hell of a lot cheaper than the Retin-A Micro and Clindamax regimen I'm following now, and I won't need a prescription.
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*If you are worried about effecting the store's bottom line, most companies have arrangements with their distributors to take back returned products for credit, so you aren't jacking up the prices of the items in the store by bringing back some face cream. Shoplifters and thieving employees cause that sort of thing, so don't fret. It's the shady bastards actually working in the store that create the largest amount of company shrink, although shoplifters do a fine bit of damage.

And, if you're embarassed about making a return for fear that the people in the store are judging you, look at it this way: you can afford to purchase a $135 stretch mark cream, and they probably can't. Thus the internal theft. People that can't afford to shop at stores often work at them for the discounts, if they're younger. And if they're older and you're worried about them judging you, dude, they're working retail. It's not like it is the most glamorous of trades. Sure, no toilets are being scrubbed, but running a register or pimping skin cream isn't really that sexy, either.

mock me and perish.

...something new and different

06.01.05

Okay, I'm making a stab at blogging.

I can't figure out how to do a lot of things yet, because apparently I currently lack the .html-fu necessary to do that sort of thing.

Working from a template has turned out to be about equally liberating and limiting.

Lots of frustration either way.

It took me like 5+ hours to get this stupid thing set up on my host site, and I spent hours and hours trying to get archiving to work, before giving up.

After hours of trying and retrying combinations of things, I noticed a / missing at the beginning of one line.

The archives work now.

Other things will work later after much more effort, I'm sure.