...so i'm pretty happy with what i've got
07.14.05
I was re-reading baby's got a bad bad name, because someone else that I know was recently talking about evil baby names.
And, I decided that if you are stupid enough to name your daughter Heaven Starr, you have absolutely no right to judge or get upset when she settles into that careerstripping erotic dancing doing burlesque.
Why, why, why do people want to take a perfectly good name and change the spelling to make it distinctive? Or make up a name? Or use a regular word that isn't a name?
When I was a kid, you could only find pre-monogrammed things with Kristin on them. No Kristen, just Kristin. And I felt bad because I couldn't have a special pencil with my name on it.
No kid needs to be named some warped spelling of a real name, like Robynne Madicyn or Makkenzie Ashten. Or even worse, something fucked up like Thazel (makes me think of thass), Cinsere, or Beyonce.
I know someone whose daughter is named Shanelle, you know, like the perfume Chanel. Except not really, stupid.
And the parents say things like: " I'm expecting triplets in April and we've picked out the girls names: Alexana Chenaur and Kia Nicasey. the boy my husband wants to name Richard Allen, I think it's a bit boring and prefer Shaden Elijah. Last name Zane. What do you think? I prefer unusual but not to far out."
Chenaur? What the fuck? How do you even pronounce that? And Nicasey? That's totally made up.
P.S. Kia is a brand of car. I'd suggest Lexus or Audi as an upscale alternative to Kia, but there are probably poor children out there already saddled with those names.
Maybe you should just name your boy Motorola, Magnavox, TiVo or Samsung, and just be done with it.
They aren't unusal names -- everyone's heard them a gajillion times. I just think that the average person isn't quite ballsy enough to scar their children with those monikers yet.
The field's wide open.
Come on, you know you want to trend-set and name your son after a piece of quality electronic equipment.
I would suggest Sony, but I've met one of those already. And apparently it's a girl's name.
I can't even imagine how badly I would have felt if no one could pronounce my name, and/or everyone made fun of me because of my name.
Inflicting Shaden Elijah on a child is just outright asking to get your son's ass whupped daily on the playground during recess.
Or maybe I'm totally wrong here.
So many people are naming their babies stupid fucked up imaginary alternatively spelled fantasy names that it'll probably be the kids named Shawn or Kevin that will bear the brunt of the future schoolyard beatings, and be the brunt of everyone else's jokes.
"Kevin? What the hell? Didn't your momma know that it should be spelled Keyvanne, and that it's a girl's name? And Shawn? Maybe Le'Shayawyne or something, but Shawn is just plain weird. And Le'Shayawyne is a girl's name, too."
Oh, the fun that the Qaleeshas and Saqq'anyjes of the world will have with those poor boys.
(I think that Q should be the next big letter. Fuck Y. Instead of Jacklynne, or Jackylyn, go for a good, hearty Jaqqlín.)
I was re-reading baby's got a bad bad name, because someone else that I know was recently talking about evil baby names.
And, I decided that if you are stupid enough to name your daughter Heaven Starr, you have absolutely no right to judge or get upset when she settles into that career
Why, why, why do people want to take a perfectly good name and change the spelling to make it distinctive? Or make up a name? Or use a regular word that isn't a name?
When I was a kid, you could only find pre-monogrammed things with Kristin on them. No Kristen, just Kristin. And I felt bad because I couldn't have a special pencil with my name on it.
No kid needs to be named some warped spelling of a real name, like Robynne Madicyn or Makkenzie Ashten. Or even worse, something fucked up like Thazel (makes me think of thass), Cinsere, or Beyonce.
I know someone whose daughter is named Shanelle, you know, like the perfume Chanel. Except not really, stupid.
And the parents say things like: " I'm expecting triplets in April and we've picked out the girls names: Alexana Chenaur and Kia Nicasey. the boy my husband wants to name Richard Allen, I think it's a bit boring and prefer Shaden Elijah. Last name Zane. What do you think? I prefer unusual but not to far out."
Chenaur? What the fuck? How do you even pronounce that? And Nicasey? That's totally made up.
P.S. Kia is a brand of car. I'd suggest Lexus or Audi as an upscale alternative to Kia, but there are probably poor children out there already saddled with those names.
Maybe you should just name your boy Motorola, Magnavox, TiVo or Samsung, and just be done with it.
They aren't unusal names -- everyone's heard them a gajillion times. I just think that the average person isn't quite ballsy enough to scar their children with those monikers yet.
The field's wide open.
Come on, you know you want to trend-set and name your son after a piece of quality electronic equipment.
I would suggest Sony, but I've met one of those already. And apparently it's a girl's name.
I can't even imagine how badly I would have felt if no one could pronounce my name, and/or everyone made fun of me because of my name.
Inflicting Shaden Elijah on a child is just outright asking to get your son's ass whupped daily on the playground during recess.
Or maybe I'm totally wrong here.
So many people are naming their babies stupid fucked up imaginary alternatively spelled fantasy names that it'll probably be the kids named Shawn or Kevin that will bear the brunt of the future schoolyard beatings, and be the brunt of everyone else's jokes.
"Kevin? What the hell? Didn't your momma know that it should be spelled Keyvanne, and that it's a girl's name? And Shawn? Maybe Le'Shayawyne or something, but Shawn is just plain weird. And Le'Shayawyne is a girl's name, too."
Oh, the fun that the Qaleeshas and Saqq'anyjes of the world will have with those poor boys.
(I think that Q should be the next big letter. Fuck Y. Instead of Jacklynne, or Jackylyn, go for a good, hearty Jaqqlín.)
3 comments:
If I name my kids: Luca Christian, Anya Christine, and Alessandra (Lessa) Kennedy will you make fun of them?
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